


The Country Squire

by miss_whimsy



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emmerdale Big Bang Round 1, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Period romance, Romance, Village life, references to death, references to past abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 10:00:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11895360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_whimsy/pseuds/miss_whimsy
Summary: After Katie’s death, Robert handed himself into the police and has spent the last two years in prison for manslaughter. Aaron has moved on with his life, dealing with the death of his father and reconnecting with his little sister, attending counselling to help him cope with the things he’s not willing or able to share with his family. Luckily it has provided him with an interesting new way to manage his feelings and he has discovered a talent and passion for writing that he never expected. Now, Robert is out of prison, alone and unsure of his future; will he ever be able to find the happiness that Aaron has already found?





	The Country Squire

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to [zippywafflebuns](http://zippywafflebuns.tumblr.com) for the gorgeous artwork that goes along with this fic. I would never have been able to finish this story without her and her amazing beta skills and general cheerleading. <3
> 
> Thanks also to [theprincessed](http://theprincessed.tumblr.com) for keeping me sane while I was stressing about getting this finished. <3
> 
> Come and say hi to me on tumblr [misswhimsy](http://misswhimsy.tumblr.com/)

**Chapter 1**

Tracy thought her heart was going to pound right out of her chest. She could feel the tears running down her cheeks, her hands shaking as she turned the page. She didn't want the book to end but at the same time, she was desperate to finish. She had never read anything that had affected her this deeply in her life. She sobbed quietly as she turned the last page, a sense of satisfaction overwhelming her as the story came to an end. She closed her eyes to keep the outside world at bay as long as possible, raising her hand to brush away the tears, before giving in to them completely. She cried out her joy and her sorrow. Her heart felt full.

The front door opened and David bustled inside, calling out a hello. She held the book against her chest and wiped her face properly, trying to compose herself.

"Tracy?"

"In here," she called. "Did you have a good day?"

"Yes, it wasn't too bad," he said, kissing her head as joined her. "Carly might have been more help if she hadn't spent all day with her nose buried in that book." He pointed at the book Tracy was still clutching like a teddy bear. "That one. Why has every woman in the village gone mad over that book? You. Carly. Leyla."

"Leyla's reading it?" Tracy asked. "She never said."

"Everyone's reading it," David repeated, exasperated. "Is it a sex book?"

Tracy inhaled sharply, offended. "It is not a sex book, David. It is a romance novel."

"But there's sex in it," David said. "I've seen it advertised. 'Sizzling and steamy!' 'The sexiest thing you'll ever read.'"

"Yes," Tracy said, nodding slightly. "That might be true. But it's not pornography, David. It's erotic."

David looked sceptical. "All women say that about their porn though. So no one thinks you're perverts like us."

"This book," Tracy said fiercely, "is about love. It's about passion. It's about..."

"Two blokes shagging in a barn in Jane Austen times," David interrupted. "I read the plot off the back."

Tracy pressed her lips together to stop herself from flying completely off the handle and saying something she'd regret. "You don't know anything about love, David Metcalfe," she said, getting to her feet. "Painful, beautiful, heartbreaking, all-encompassing love."

"What?"

"I'm going to see Leyla," Tracy told him. "Jacob's in his room. You can make your own tea."

"Tracy!"

"No, I'm sorry, David," she said, already halfway out the door. "I have to talk to someone who understands. I'll see you later."

~

Leyla had just settled down with a glass of wine and her book when Tracy knocked on the door.

"Leyla. Leyla, come on. I need to talk to you."

With a sigh and a last regretful look at the book she was almost finished, Leyla went to answer the door.

"What's going on?"

"David told me you were reading it," Tracy said, pointing at the book as soon as she entered the room. "Yes. See?"

"Yeah, I am," Leyla said flatly. "I was hoping I could finish it tonight before you showed up."

Tracy covered her mouth with her hand, eyes wide and apologetic. "Oh my God. Oh, my... Okay. Okay. You finish and I'll..."

"Tracy, what is this about?"

"I finished it," Tracy blurted out. "I finished it and need to talk to someone about it and David keeps saying it's lady porn so I can't be at home right now..."

"David said what?" Leyla snapped. "That is an erotic romance. That is a love story."

"I said that!" Tracy shook her head. "Has Priya finished it?"

"No," Leyla said. "I think Victoria was further along though. So maybe she has."

"Right," Tracy said, pointing a determined finger at Leyla. "You, finish. I will go to the pub. When you're done come and find me. Okay? That's an order."

Leyla nodded, smothering a laugh. "Fine."

Tracy pointed at Leyla again and then the book, and then made a speedy exit.

Leyla breathed a sigh of relief, curled up in the armchair and resumed her evening.

~

Victoria wasn't in the pub.

"She's got tonight and tomorrow off," Charity told Tracy, as she poured her a pint. A quick glance at Chas and she lowered her voice. "What with.. you know."

"Oh God, yeah," Tracy whispered back. "I forgot that was tomorrow."

"What do you want Vic for anyway?"

Tracy held up her book excitedly. "Have you read this?"

"No," Charity told her. "But everyone's been banging on about it. Is it good?"

"It's the best book I've ever read in my whole life," Tracy said.

"What is?" Chas asked, sidling up behind Charity with a smile. "Oh, you know what, Moira was telling me about that. Apparently, it's quite racy."

"It's erotic," Tracy said, primly. "It's beautiful. I need to talk to someone about it, but no one's finished it."

"I have," Harriet said, appearing next to Tracy. "I'll have a gin and tonic, Charity, and then Tracy and I can go over there and have a proper chat about it."

Tracy squealed with delight and hurried away to grab a table in the corner. Charity wrinkled her nose at Harriet while Chas fetched her drink.

"You're a vicar."

"Yes, so?" Harriet said. "I can still read books."

"Even the filthy stuff though?"

Harriet rolled her eyes and paid for her drink, leaving Charity and Chas alone.

"We should probably read that book then," Chas said.

Charity nodded quickly. "Maybe Debs has got a copy."

"My mum's got one."

They turned as one to find Liv and Gabby in the doorway to the back room, both trying to stifle their giggles.

"Uh," Chas said, pointing at Liv, "I better not find out that you've been reading it, young lady. Aaron will definitely not be impressed."

"When is Aaron ever impressed?" Liv muttered. "Like I want to read some stupid romance anyways."

"Well, good," Chas said. "Don't you have homework to do?"

Liv and Gabby burst into laughter again and hurried away, leaving Chas to shake her head at them.

"Debs then," Charity said, pulling out her phone. "Maybe she could bring it over now."

~

Victoria was pacing. She'd cleaned the house, she'd made up the spare room, she'd filled the fridge with all sorts of food and prepared a meal plan for the week. She'd made notes of everything they needed to do and now she was out of distractions.

Her eyes finally landed on the book on the coffee table and she stepped towards it, stopped and stepped back. She rubbed her hands over her face, checked her phone, then with a growl of frustration, she grabbed the book and ran out of the house, up the hill towards the scrapyard.

It was dark and freezing outside and her feet slipped on the icy ground, but she didn't pay too much attention. The lights shone out from the portacabin and she could hear music blaring away inside, proclaiming that Adam and Aaron were still there, even this late in the evening.

She gave a perfunctory knock and opened the door, rushing inside to escape the cold. "Hiya."

Aaron jumped up quickly, trying to distract her from the way Adam stiffened in annoyance.

"Vic, hi."

"Are yous two alright?"

"Yeah," Aaron said, moving to the edge of his desk so he could stand between them. "Yeah, we're good. Did you need something, Vic?"

"Actually, I wanted to ask you something."

"Are you kidding me?" Adam exclaimed, getting to his feet. "My wife comes in here, acting like nothing's happened and she wants to talk to my best mate rather than her husband?"

"You're the one that walked out," Vic said with a shrug. "I told you, you can come back anytime you want when you've stopped acting like an idiot."

"I'm not being an idiot," Adam said. "Aaron, mate, tell her."

"I'm not getting involved," Aaron said, holding up his hands. "It's got nothing to do with me." He caught sight of the book Vic was holding and nodded at it. "You're not here to talk about that, are you? Because Nicola's already been talking about it nonstop this week and if I have to hear one more word about it... Being gay doesn't mean I want to hear about every ridiculous relationship out there."

"But..."

"Vic," Aaron insisted, "has it ever seemed to you like I'd be interested in romance books?"

Vic bit her lip and shook her head. "I'll just go then, shall I?"

"Probably for the best."

She nodded and turned away, pulling open the door to face the bitter cold, then flinching when the wind slammed it closed behind her. She heard Adam's voice loud and clear - "Can you believe her?" - and with a sigh she set off home, feeling no less nervous about tomorrow than she had been twenty minutes ago.

She heard the Church clock strike six just as she opened the front door to her house.

Seventeen hours to go.

Seventeen hours until Robert was released.

 

**Chapter 2**

5th February 2015

Robert stared down at Katie’s body.

“Katie?”

She didn’t move. Robert’s hands were shaking.

“I warned you, didn’t I?”

The shrill of his phone made him jump and he silenced it.

What had he done?

He knelt down beside her, reached out to check her pulse, even though he knew she was gone. Her eyes were open, staring up at him, lifeless but accusatory.

“Why couldn’t you just do what I asked you?”

His voice broke on the words. His mind raced through scenarios. Everything he could do right then. Everything he needed to do to protect himself.

He could call Aaron. Aaron would come back. Aaron would help him.

Aaron loved him.

“Why did you do this?” Robert asked Katie’s broken body. “Why did you have to interfere? Why couldn’t you just leave us in peace?”

He’d never wanted anything more than to hear her answer.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

He rubbed his hands over his face as he stood. He was supposed to be getting married right now. Chrissie was waiting for him. A church full of people. Andy.

He pulled out his phone again and tapped his contacts. For a moment his finger hovered over the A.

He could see it all clearly. He could call Aaron. He could tell him he and Katie had made up. He could convince him that it had all been a stupid mistake. Aaron could help him clear it up and he’d go and get married. That was the plan. It was the best plan he had. That life with Chrissie, the one he’d been searching for, it was just within reach. All he had to do was convince Aaron.

He tapped the screen again and dialled.

“Police, please. There’s been an accident. Someone’s been killed.”

 

9th August 2015

“I don’t think there’s any point in me coming back,” Aaron said, shredding another paper tissue from the box on Rachel’s desk. “This isn’t working.”

“We’ve only had three sessions, Aaron,” Rachel said, gentle but firm. “And you still haven’t told me why you’re really here.”

Aaron scoffed slightly. He’d told her about his self-harm, about Jackson, about prison.

Rachel smiled at the noise. “Yes, but why are you really here?”

Aaron pulled another tissue from the box and started to tear it into strips.

“Okay,” Rachel said, shifting in her seat so she could pull open a draw in her desk. “You’re right. Maybe this isn’t working this way. That just means we have to try things a different way.”

“What do you mean?”

She pulled a small booklet out of the drawer and wrote her email address across the top.

“Writing can be used as a form of therapy,” she said, handing the booklet over. “If you’re not able to talk about it with me face to face, you might be able to write it down. So this week Aaron, I want you to go home and every night, just for fifteen minutes, write about whatever it is you think you can’t tell me. Whatever happened, write down how it felt, all the deepest thoughts and feelings you have. It won’t be easy, but I think it might help you.”

Aaron’s hands shook as he flicked through the booklet. “Do I have to share it with you?”

“That’s up to you,” Rachel said. “My email address is there if you think you want to. Or you can just come back next week and let me know if it’s helping.”

“And I can write about anything?”

“Lots of things have happened to you, Aaron. Some of them I know you haven’t shared. Start with the one it’s most difficult to talk about it. See if it helps.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

“We’ll figure that out next week.”

 

17th October 2015

Robert hesitated at the gate but a quick shove from behind propelled him forwards and his feet carried him the rest of the way to the table without him even thinking about it.

Victoria was standing, wringing her hands, her eyes huge and wet with tears.

Robert hated himself.

“Vic.”

She launched herself at him with a muffled sob and he held on to her desperately, burying his face in her hair. She smelled like apples and baking and home. He hadn’t seen her in six months, had refused any visitors, too ashamed of what he’d done to face his family. But her latest letter had begged him to let her visit, saying she had important news to share.

“I’m sorry,” he said when one of the guards approached and they were forced apart, relegated to opposite sides of the cheap wooden table. “Vic, I’m so sorry.”

She reached out with her left hand and grabbed his right one, wiping her tears away with a tissue.

“I know,” she said, her voice thick and hoarse as she sniffed, trying to calm down. “I just missed you.”

Robert wanted to speak, had no idea what to say, but Vic’s hand tightened on his so he sat quietly and waited.

“How are you?” she asked. “Sorry, is that a stupid question?”

“I’ve been better,” Robert told her. “It’s fine.” He shrugged, not really sure how much he should tell her, not wanting to tell her the worst of it, how scared and lonely he felt. This was his punishment. He couldn’t really complain.

“You look thin,” Vic said. “You look tired.”

“Tell me how you are,” he said, wanting to change the subject. “You said you had something to tell me.”

She raised her hand, still holding his and nodded towards it, drawing his attention to the two rings adorning her finger.

“Surprise.”

Robert stared, speechless.

“Well say something,” Vic urged. “‘Congratulations’ or ‘you’ve lost your mind’. Andy said that one.”

“Who did you marry?”

Vic rolled her eyes and nudged his leg with her foot. “Adam, obviously.”

“Adam Barton?”

“Don’t start,” Vic sighed. “Of course, Adam Barton. I don’t know any other Adams.”

“You’ve only been going out a few months.”

“We used to live together,” Vic reminded him. “He’s the one for me, Robert. I just wanted you to know.”

“Thanks,” Robert said, biting back his thoughts about Adam Barton and how he was definitely not worthy of Vic.

She looked happy, or at least as happy as she could look in a prison. “And congratulations. If you’re happy, then I’m happy.”

“I am happy,” Vic told him, smiling for the first time. “He makes me happy.” She squeezed his hand again and he squeezed back. “Oh, okay, you’ll never guess what’s happened to Bernice…”

 

19th December 2015

Aaron watched the priest talking, telling the packed church what a wonderful man Gordon had been; how much he’d loved his children, how he’d hated being estranged from them. Beside him, his mother sobbed quietly and he reached over to take her hand. He knew what she thought. That she’d been responsible for keeping Aaron and Gordon apart. She didn’t know the truth and Aaron couldn’t tell her, but he wanted her to know he didn’t blame her.

Across the aisle, a hymn book fell to the floor and Liv jumped up, pushed past Sandra and ran out of the church. Aaron got up to follow her, waving to Sandra that he’d take care of her.

He saw her running through the graveyard when he stepped out into the winter sun.

“Liv!” he shouted as soon as he was outside, chasing her through the graveyard. “Liv, wait.”

“Leave me alone,” she shouted back, slowing down only when the path ran out, allowing Aaron to finally catch her arm.

“No chance.”

“Why do you care? You don’t even know me.”

“You’re my sister aren’t you?”

“Like you care,” Liv snapped. “You’ve never tried to find us before.”

“Well your mum never tried to find me either,” Aaron said, holding up his hands when Liv started to argue. “Not that I blame her. Not after what I did. But things are different now. I’d like to get to know you.”

“You weren’t saying that last week,” Liv reminded him. “You told me to stay away.”

“That was different,” Aaron said. “It was a bad time.”

Liv looked away, curled in on herself slightly. “I didn’t know him at all. He was my dad. I’m sat in there crying but I don’t remember him. Not really.”

Aaron steered her towards one of the benches under some trees and they sat down.

“I knew him longer than you,” he said eventually, digging through his pocket for some tissues for her. “And I hated him.”

Liv blew her nose. “So you’re not sad?”

“I don’t know,” Aaron said honestly. “He was my dad. Once. A long time ago. I guess I’m sad that he wasn’t the dad I wanted him to be.”

“Me too,” Liv said, offering a watery smile.

“I would like to get to know you,” Aaron told her, settling his arm awkwardly around her shoulders. “Maybe, I dunno, maybe you and Sandra could come to us for Christmas?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Unless you have plans.”

Liv shook her head. “We never do anything. I think mum would be glad not to cook.”

Aaron laughed quietly. “Sounds like my mum.”

“Do we have to go back inside?” Liv asked, leaning against him slightly, resting her head against his shoulder.

“No,” Aaron told her, wrapping his arms around her properly. “No, we can wait here.”

 

22nd April 2016

Victoria wrapped her arms around Robert and hugged him for all that she was worth.

“Happy Birthday,” she said, taking an extra second to stroke his cheek. “How are you doing?”

They sat down on opposite sides of the table, Robert pulling the sleeves of his jumper down over his shaking hands.

“I’m fine.”

“The big three-oh,” Vic said with a bright, fake smile. “I baked you a cake, but they wouldn’t let me bring it in.”

“You baked me a cake?”

“It’s your thirtieth,” Vic exclaimed, immediately looking contrite when people turned to look. “Sorry. I bought you a present too. It’s at home. When you get out we’ll have a massive party.”

“Vic..”

“Diane’s treatment is going well,” Vic continued as though he hadn’t spoken. “She’s selling the pub, obviously. Her and Doug were talking about moving to Spain with Val and Eric. I told them to make sure they got a place next to gran so we could visit everyone at once.”

“Vic…”

“She asks about you. She writes to you. I know she does.”

Robert thought about the pile of unanswered letters in his cell. “I don’t know what to say to her.”

“Just say hello,” Vic told him. “Tell her you’re sad and worried about her.”

“I am worried about her.”

“I know,” Vic assured him. “But it’s better coming from you than me isn’t it?”

Robert nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m sorry.”

Victoria reached across and placed her hands over his. “How have you been? Really.”

“I have to tell you something,” he blurted out before he could stop himself. “I have to tell you and I don’t want you to hate me.”

“Robert, nothing could make me hate you.” She smiled again, a sad, ironic smile. “Look at where you are.”

“It was an accident.”

“I know.”

“We were fighting.”

“I know. Rob...”

“She found out I was having an affair.”

Victoria froze. That was new. “What?”

Robert took a deep breath, closed his eyes and blew it out slowly before speaking.

“That’s what we were fighting about. She was going to tell Chrissie. She was going to tell everyone.”

“Robert…”

“I’ve been going over and over it in my head. I shouldn’t have done it. I was so afraid. Why was I so afraid?”

“Robert, please…”

“I ruined everything, just like always. I ruined Katie and I loved her so much but it still ended in us trying to destroy each other. I didn’t want to hurt her, I just wanted her to stop.”

“Who was it?” Victoria asked, her head already spinning. “You said it wasn’t Alicia.”

“Maybe if mum hadn’t died. Maybe if dad hadn’t been so… Maybe if I wasn’t so jealous of Andy or scared of what people thought.”

And just like that, a thousand tiny details slotted into place and Victoria gasped and grabbed for Robert’s hand again. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m telling you now.”

“I would have understood,” Vic insisted. “I would have listened. I know you think I don’t do anything but interfere, but why would I judge you for that? You know I wouldn’t.”

“I’m bisexual,” Robert breathed, as quietly as he could.

“Obviously,” Victoria said. “Did you love him?”

They both waited, Victoria wanting nothing more than to reach out and hold him, Robert wanting nothing more than to run and hide.

“Yes.”

“And he loved you?”

“Yes,” Robert said, nodding a little. “He told me.”

There were a million things Victoria wanted to say. A million questions she wanted to ask.

“You can’t say anything,” Robert said. “Vic. You can’t say anything to him.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s over,” Robert said. “It’s done. After everything. Let him be happy.”

“What about you?” Vic asked. “Don’t you deserve to be happy?”

 

21st September 2016

Aaron

Tried ringing you but I keep getting your voicemail. Got the finalised cover art back today, which is attached. Just need your final approval and we’re all set to go.

Got some interviews lined up for next month. All online, don’t worry. The questions will be vetted too, just like you asked. It might be a good idea to start drafting some responses to the obvious ones - inspiration, why you wrote it, why you think it’s important, how you write, whether there’s going to be a sequel. We’re very interested in a sequel.

Give me a ring when you’ve had a chance to look over the cover. I think it’s brilliant.

Anne

 

 

**Chapter 3**

Robert waited patiently for the door to open, torn between terror and excitement. His suit hung off him, no longer the perfectly tailored clothing it had been eighteen months ago. His knuckles turned white where he gripped the handles of his bag. He didn't even know what to expect on the other side of that door.

The clock on the wall next to him ticked over to eleven o'clock and the guard stepped forward, gesturing for him to follow. Ten steps. A polite goodbye.

He was free.

It wasn't as though he hadn't seen sunlight in eighteen months, or felt fresh air, or a breeze against his skin, but somehow all of those things felt better now, even in the freezing cold of a January morning. There was snow on the path, melting away to slush at the edge of the road and his feet were almost instantly freezing, the expensive shoes that he'd worn like armour that fateful April day, doing nothing to protect him from the winter weather.

Robert had no idea where to go, what to do, how to get started on building a new life when the old one had been shattered so spectacularly. One day at a time, the prison counsellor had told him. One decision at a time. Here was his first: left or right.

A car turned into the street, drawing his attention, and it trundled to a stop in front of him.

"I am so sorry," Victoria apologised, jumping out and running over to throw her arms around him. "I wanted to be here waiting for you, but then the car wouldn't start so I had to... Well, never mind that now." She hugged him tighter, smiling up at him. "You're free."

Robert hugged her back, pressing his nose against her hair, breathing in his freedom and his sister and the love he definitely didn't deserve.

"What do you want to do first?" she asked, taking his bag to shove it into the boot of the car. "Do you want some dinner? I'm starving."

~

"Aaron?"

Aaron stopped hammering, sure he'd heard his name being called, and listened.

"Aaron!"

"Up here, mum," he shouted and resumed what he was doing.

"It's looking nice in here," Chas said when she appeared in the doorway.

"We've barely started," Aaron said. "It's hard running a business and doing a house up by yourself."

"Well get someone in to help you," Chas told him, not for the first time. "Love, you've got all this money..."

"And it's all going into the house," Aaron reminded her. "I'm fine, mum. It'll get done when it's done. You're not that desperate to get rid of us, are you?"

"No, of course not," Chas said quickly. "You know you can stay as long as you want. It'd just be nice if you didn't have to do it alone."

Aaron nodded, mostly to placate her and Chas shook her head, holding up her hands.

"Fine. What do I know?"

"Did you come for something in particular?"

"I brought you some lunch," she said. "It's downstairs. Maybe I can give you a hand this afternoon."

Aaron stared at her for a moment and then put down the hammer.

"Mum, he's not going to go into the pub."

Chas stiffened immediately. "That's not what this is about."

"Yeah, it is," Aaron said. "Vic knows to keep him away from you."

"He should still be in prison."

Aaron sighed and pulled off his gloves. "Mum."

"He killed Katie," Chas snapped. "He's a murderer.

"Manslaughter," Aaron said, quietly. "Not murder. He didn't mean to do it."

"Why are you defending him?"

"I'm not," Aaron said. "I'm not defending him. I'm just saying. It was an accident and he's served his time now."

"And he's got the nerve to come back here."

"Where else is he supposed to go?" Aaron asked. "Vic's all he's got now, mum.”

Chas looked like she wanted to say more, but restrained herself when Aaron smiled gently at her. "Let's not fall out over him, eh? You said you brought me dinner?"

~

“How’s Diane?” Robert asked once he and Victoria were settled in a nearby pub.

“She’s good,” Vic said, smiling. “Enjoying the sunshine. Andy’s driving her up the wall though.”

Robert flinched and Victoria was immediately contrite. “I didn’t mean anything.”

“I know.”

“I don’t have to talk about him, though,” she said, reaching over to squeeze Robert’s hand. “I know it’s not easy.”

“Harder for him,” Robert murmured, turning his hand in Vic’s to grip it. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being here.”

“Where else would I be?” Victoria asked with a shrug. “You’re my brother. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Victoria smiled. “We’re going to get through this. You’ll see. We’ll be okay.”

“I’ve ruined your marriage.”

“Uh, no,” Vic said. “Adam did that when he made me choose between the pair of you.”

“You should have picked him.”

“Oh my God,” Vic exclaimed letting go of his hand and grabbing the menu instead. “I swear sometimes you’re the same person.”

“I shouldn’t even come back to the village,” Robert protested. “Everyone’s going to hate me.”

“You know as well as I do that everyone in the village has done something dodgy at one time or another.”

“Dodgy? Vic, I killed someone.”

“Not on purpose,” Vic argued. “It was an accident. Everyone heard what you said in court, Rob.”

Robert nodded slightly, happy to let the subject drop when the waitress appeared and they ordered their food. It was only when she’d disappeared with their order that Robert noticed the way Vic was looking at him and that there might be another subject she wanted to discuss. One that he was even less inclined to talk about.

“I’ve been reading this book,” she said, throwing him off completely. “Actually everyone’s reading it. It’s top of all the bestseller lists. Came out just before Christmas. They’re talking about turning it into a film now.”

“The Country Squire,” Robert sighed. “Yeah, we do get news in prison.”

“Adam bought it for me for Christmas.”

“Isn’t it pornographic? Like Fifty Shades of Grey only with blokes?”

“No,” Victoria snapped. “It’s not. Well, some bits. But it’s wonderful. Really. A proper love story. Like Romeo and Juliet or Wuthering Heights.”

“Sex and death then.”

“Jane Eyre. You know. Epic, passionate...”

“Vic.”

“You should read it.”

Robert laughed. It felt like the first time he’d laughed in months. “No chance.”

“Robert!”

“No,” he said, still chuckling to himself. “I’m not reading a romance novel. I don’t care how good it is.”

“You read Wuthering Heights.”

“Yeah, for school,” he said. “Look, Vic, I know what you’re trying to do, but please, please stop.”

Victoria held up her hands. “I’m not doing anything,” she said. “I just think you’d really like it.”

“I doubt it,” Robert said. “Tell me more about what’s been going on. How’s Bernice?”

~

Aaron checked his phone for the fifth time in thirty minutes and grimaced at himself, frustrated. He didn’t know what he was waiting for. What could he possibly be expecting? It wasn’t as though Vic was going to text and let him know how Robert was. It wasn’t as though Robert was going to ring him and tell him… Tell him what? What was there to say? It had been two years. They hadn’t even spoken to one another since Aaron had walked out of Wiley’s Farm and left him with Katie.

Sometimes he wondered what would have happened if he hadn’t left. Maybe if he’d stayed then Katie wouldn’t have died. Maybe he could have talked her round or talked Robert round.

He still had questions. Things that had been preying on his mind all this time. He still remembered how he’d felt when the police had arrived at the pub. He could still hear Chrissie sobbing in Lawrence’s arms. He could see Andy falling to his knees. Vic’s haunted face. And all the time he’d been waiting for them to question him, to ask what he’d been doing at Wiley’s, if he’d seen Katie. But the questions never came. As far as the police were concerned, the only person who’d seen Katie was Robert.

And he’d stuck to that story in court, Robert never once looking up at the gallery where half the village had been crammed in, eager to hear what had happened. Aaron had sat behind Vic, nervously playing with her ponytail, eyes trained on Robert the whole time, desperate to catch his eye, to lend his support, even if it wasn’t wanted.  
Andy hadn’t said a word when Robert had been sentenced, just stood and walked out of the court without a backward glance. Victoria had cried into Adam’s chest, waiting until everyone else had cleared out before she let him lead her away. Aaron was sure the only thing that had stopped Chas from yelling something was the death grip Diane had on her arm.

Aaron had had no one to lean on. No comfort. No respite. He couldn’t grieve openly for the loss of something he’d never really had, something that wasn’t his, something no one else knew about.

Now, he pushed his phone back into his pocket and picked up his stripping knife again, reapplying himself to the task at hand. Whatever had happened between them, whatever reasons Robert had for leaving Aaron out of it, it wouldn’t do either of them any good to dwell on the past. It was better to pretend they barely knew other.  
Much easier on the heart.

~

It was dark when Victoria drove back into the village. Robert stopped himself from commenting on it. Returning under cover of darkness was probably the easiest solution for everyone. He knew he wasn’t going to be welcome in the pub, but Victoria had made it seem as though people would be more forgiving than he expected them to be.

“You alright?” Vic said, peering at him through the darkness once they’d parked in front of the house.

“What am I doing here, Vic?” he asked, shaking his head. “This was a mistake.”

“You’re my brother,” she said, reaching over to take his hand. “It’ll be alright. You’ll see.”

“I don’t even have a job.”

“You’ve got the scrapyard.”

Robert couldn’t make out her face in the dim light, but he knew that tone of voice. “Don’t start.”

“I’m not starting anything,” she promised, crossing her heart with her free hand. “I’m just saying. You do actually own a business.”

“Yeah, I bet Adam would love me working up there.”

Vic opened the car door and Robert took a deep breath before following her.

“Well, Adam’s an idiot,” she said. “We both know that. But if you’re there with him every day he’s got no excuse not to come home does he?”

“I see,” Robert said. “You just want me to save your marriage.”

“It doesn’t need saving,” Vic assured him. “He’ll come back when Moira stops doing his washing.”

“And they say romance is dead.”

“Yeah, we’re not exactly Richard and Aidan.”

“Who?”

Vic dropped Roberts bag at the foot of the stairs. “From my book.”

Robert rolled his eyes and shook his head. “That’s your relationship goal, is it? Fictional gay men.”

“Why not?”

“No, no,” Robert said. “You’re right. Good luck with that.”

“If you haven’t read it,” Victoria told him, “you don’t get to talk about it. Okay?”

Robert nodded. “Okay.”

“Bedroom’s all made up for you,” Vic said, pointing at his bags. “Do you want a cup of tea?”

And just like that, just for a moment, Robert felt normal again. “Yeah,” he said quietly, watching as she hurried off to put the kettle on. “That would be great.”

 

_Chapter 4 - The Country Squire by Karen Gledin_

_The curricle was missing when Aidan returned to the yard after lunch, Elizabeth’s words about her brother still ringing in his ears._

_“Where is it?” he asked Bert, who was brushing down Miss Christabel’s favourite mare._

_“Where’s what?”_

_“His Lordship’s curricle.”_

_Bert smiled at him, his face twisting to the wrong side of pleasant. “His Lordship doesn’t have a curricle.”_

_Aidan felt his nails dig into his palms as he fought to stop himself taking a swing at Bert._

_“You know what I’m talking about. Mister Seddun’s curricle.”_

_“Mister Seddun took it out,” Bert told him, attention once again focused on the horse rather than Aidan. “Didn’t_ _say when he’d be back.”_

_“When was this?” Aidan asked, his heart hammering in his chest as he imagined Richard lying dead in the middle of the road, once the axle broke._

_“About ten minutes ago,” Bert muttered and that was all Aidan needed to hear before he set off at a run, through the yard and out of the gate, flying down the main drive and out onto the road._

_The snow lay thick on the ground, bright white in the winter sun, leaving a trail of tracks for Aidan to follow along the winding roads towards the village. His legs ached, lungs burning as he pushed himself harder, fearful of what he’d find._

_Turning the corner onto Chapel Lane, Aidan stumbled to a stop. The curricle was in a ditch at the side of the road, but instead of Richard’s broken body lying_ _to the side of it, Aidan saw the man alive and well, sitting on the wall with his head in his hands._

_“Mister Richard.” Aidan hurried towards him, unable to keep the concern out of his voice. “Are you all right?”_

_Richard looked up, clearly surprised that Aidan was there. “What?”_

_“Are you hurt?” Aidan asked, falling to his knees in front of Richard._

_“Aidan?”_

_Aidan ran his hands over Richard’s thighs and up his arms, unthinkingly, searching for any blood, any cuts and scrapes that he might have suffered when the curricle had crashed._

_Richard caught his hands and held them in front of him. “Aidan, don’t.”_

_“I need to know you’re not hurt.”_

_“I’m not,” Richard assured him. “What are you doing here?”_

_“I saw the curricle was gone,” Aidan told him, staring into his eyes, every nerve in his body focused on their joined hands, on Richard’s smooth warm skin. “I was about to start work on it. The axle…”_

_“Ah.”_

_“Where are the horses?”_

_“In the woods,” Richard told him, turning Aidan’s hand in his and running his thumb over his palm. “You were worried about me.”_

_“You could have died.”_

_Richard’s gaze dropped to Aidan’s lips and he licked his own. Aidan’s heart turned over and he leant forward._

_Richard let go of his hands and stood up, forcing Aidan back. He stumbled to his feet, unsure of what had just happened._

_“I’ll help you back to the house and then come back for the curricle and the horses.”_

_“You don’t need to help me,” Richard snapped. “I’m not hurt. I can walk.”_

_“Richard…”_

_“Mister Seddun.”_

_“Mister Seddun,” Aidan corrected himself. “I don’t know what you want from me.”_

_“I don’t want anything from you.”_

_Aidan stared at him for a moment then gave a short nod of defeat. “Very well. My apologies, sir.”_

_He turned away, walking past the broken vehicle, thinking that he could find the horses in the woods and return them to the stables before he dealt with the rest. It would give Richard - Mister Seddun - time to return to the hall alone._

_Suddenly, he felt a hand grasp his arm and then he was being spun around, his face captured between two strong hands. He barely had time to realise what was happening before he was being kissed._

_Richard’s lips were soft yet demanding, dragging soft moans from Aidan as he lost himself in the feeling. It was intoxicating. Aidan had never known anything like it, never wanted it to end. His arms went around Richard, holding him close, pulling him on unsteady feet towards the trees and the privacy they afforded._

_“Wait,” Richard said, pulling away. “We can’t.”_

_“Why not?” Aidan asked, a little dazed._

_“I’m sorry. It’s not right.”_

_With that, Richard turned and strode away down the lane, leaving Aidan watching him with a feeling of torment the like of which he’d never known before **.**_

 

**Chapter 4**

Liv clattered down the stairs and went straight for the toast, grunting a good morning to Aaron as she dropped into the chair beside him.

“Do you want a lift to school?”

“No,” she said, stealing his mug of tea and draining it. “I’m getting the bus with Gabby.”

“Liv, is something wrong?” Aaron asked. “You’ve been in a weird mood with me all week.”

“How would you know?” Liv asked. “You’re always at the Mill.”

“I’m trying to get it ready to live in,” Aaron told her, bemused. “Are you seriously having a go at me about this?”

“I just never see you anymore,” she sighed. “When is it going to be done?”

“I don’t know. There’s just me doing it.”

“Can’t Adam help?”

“Adam is helping. But we also have a business to run.”

Liv sighed again and nodded. “Let me help then. Please?”

“Tonight,” Aaron nodded. “Come and meet me down there. I’ll let you smash a wall.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said, laughing at the look of glee that crossed her face. “Yes. Go on now or you’ll be late.”

Liv grabbed her bag and ran out through the back door, calling to Noah on the way.

Aaron smiled, shaking his head in the sudden silence and then went to make himself another cup of tea.

The kettle was just boiling when Chas joined him.

“Everything alright, love?” she asked. “Make one for me, will you? I’m gasping.”

Aaron made two cups of tea without complaint and set one down in front of her. “Everything’s fine, yeah. Liv’s just being… Liv.”

“How so?”

“She wants me to spend more time with her. Which I get, it’s just hard when I have to do the house up.”

“Aaron, look I’m not going to tell you what to do…”

“Makes a change.”

“But you can’t keep complaining about it. Get someone in to help you or button it.”

“Wow,” Aaron said. “Thanks for that. You’re a real delight this morning.”

“Sometimes you need tough love.”

“Do you want to help me?”

Chas laughed and patted his cheek. “I have a pub to run, sunshine. But Ross - not Ross - how about Pete? Or Finn?”

Aaron sighed. “I’ll ask Debbie if it gets you off my back.”

Chas settled back smiling and sipped her tea. “None of my business.”

~

There was a note on the kitchen table that said _We need milk x_. Robert knew he could ignore it and Victoria wouldn’t mention it when she got back from work, but honestly, Robert couldn't bear to be inside any longer. It has been almost a week, five long, boring days, and he felt as though he'd just swapped one prison for another, trapped in Victoria's house and afraid to go outside. He couldn't hide away forever. He wanted to be around familiar things. He wanted fresh air.

Robert could hear David and the blonde - Tracy, according to Victoria - whispering together behind the counter from where he was currently stood, in front of the drinks cooler, wondering if he dared buy semi-skimmed milk rather than the skimmed Vic usually bought.

They were whispering about him. Everyone was whispering about him. Vanessa and Priya when he took a shortcut through the playground. Pearl and Rhona as they passed him in the street. Even Bernice and Nicola who at least tried to treat him like normal when he met them as they were leaving the shop, couldn’t stop themselves from gossiping as they hurried away. He couldn’t even blame anyone for it. If he were in their position he’d be doing just the same.

He turned away, deciding to take the long way around the shop to give them more time to get it out of their system, and bumped straight into a teenage girl he didn’t recognise, who was busy stuffing five chocolate bars into the front pocket of her hoodie.

“Um…” he said when she froze and stared at him.

“Don’t tell,” she hissed furiously. “Please, please don’t tell.”

“I can’t let you steal them,” Robert whispered back, angling himself between her and the counter. “Put them back or pay for them.”

“I don’t have any money,” she said, cheeks red but chin up.

Robert smiled. “Put them back then.”

She made a face at him but emptied her pockets back onto the shelf, revealing more than just the chocolate bars.

“In dire need of this were you?” Robert asked, picking up the lemon she’d just put down. He nudged the tomato with his finger. “Making the world’s worst fruit salad?”

“Oh you’re a comedian,” she said. “Should have known.”

“Do you want me to tell them what you were doing?”

“No,” she said quickly. “No. They’ll just tell my brother.”

“Maybe he needs to know,” Robert said. “I could always tell him myself.”

The girl stared at him for a moment, biting her lip and then she smiled, her entire face lighting up in an instant. “Alright.”

“What?”

“Buy me a Snickers and you can turn me in. But only to him. Not them.”

She looked so innocent, Robert was immediately suspicious, but he picked up the Snickers and the Galaxy and took them to counter along with his (skimmed) milk, while she disappeared out into the street.

Tracy shushed David very loudly and Robert pretended he didn’t notice, handing over a fiver and receiving his change with a quiet “Thank you.”

“I’m Tracy, by the way.”

Robert blinked at her surprised. “Um. Nice to meet you, yeah.”

“David’s wife.”

Robert bit his tongue to stop himself asking about Alicia. He’d liked Alicia a lot.

“Nice to meet you.”

Tracy smiled and if it looked forced Robert couldn’t really blame her. She got points for trying, even if he didn’t deserve it. He nodded at them and then hurried away as nonchalantly as he could. It never paid to let people see you were uncomfortable.

Outside, the girl was leaning against the wall, tossing and catching an apple with one hand like some kind of noir movie gangster. It was kind of endearing.

“Here you go,” he said, holding out the Snickers.

“Thanks, Robert.”

“How do you know my name?”

“Everybody knows,” she said, biting into her chocolate bar. “It’s not a secret, is it? You just got out of prison for killing your brother’s wife.”

Robert flinched. The girl barrelled ahead, regardless.

“Everyone’s talking about you. Well almost everyone.”

“Who isn’t?”

“My brother,” she said. “He’s working right now if you want to come and talk to him.” She pushed herself away from the wall and started walking down towards Mill Cottage. “I’m Liv, by the way. Seeing as no one’s bothered to introduce us yet.”

“You seem very eager to get me to talk to your brother,” Robert said, hurrying to fall into step beside her. “Wait, is he doing up the Mill?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Do you want to see inside?”

“No,” Robert said quickly. “No, I’m good. Do you really want me to tell him about the shoplifting?”

“I didn’t actually steal anything.”

“This time.”

They were halfway down the drive when the front door opened and Aaron emerged from the house, wiping his hands on a cloth.

Robert stopped walking.

Aaron stopped walking.

Liv stopped halfway between the two of them and grinned.

“Robert, this is my brother.”

It had been two years since Robert had seen Aaron’s face.

_“Please don’t get married.”_

It felt like yesterday.

He looked older now; still strong and fierce, the way Robert remembered him, but with sadness seeping out of him. Or maybe that was just Robert.

“What are you doing with him?” Aaron snapped, barely sparing Robert another glance.

There was a lump in Robert’s throat stopping him from saying anything at all. He couldn’t make his feet work.

_“I thought I could handle it but I was wrong.”_

“I’ll go,” Robert said, turning away.

The last person he’d spoken to before his life went to hell. The last person to see Robert before he’d killed someone. The last conversation. The last kiss.

“No, hang on,” Liv said. “Don’t you want to tell him about the shoplifting?”

“About the what?”

“It was nothing,” Robert said, spinning back towards them. “It was just a chocolate bar. I paid for it for her.”

“And you want the money back do you?”

Robert frowned. “What? No.”

Liv nudged Aaron’s arm and shook her head at him. “What are you doing?”

“Go inside,” Aaron said, pointing towards the house. “Now. Go inside.”

Liv glared at him and then dug a pound coin out of her pocket and held it out for Robert. “Sorry.”

He shook his head. “Keep it. Buy yourself one next time.”

“Liv,” Aaron said. “I won’t tell you again.”

She made a face at him as she stormed away, slamming the door behind her.

“I didn’t know you had a sister,” Robert said into the silence that descended. “I mean, I did. I remember you saying... I just didn’t know you knew her or - Vic never said…” He cleared his throat. “How are you?”

Aaron laughed, sharp and surprised. “What?”

“Sorry,” Robert said. “I’ll go.”

“Yeah,” Aaron said shortly, nodding. “Don’t bother her again.”

“I wasn’t,” Robert protested. “I caught her stuffing chocolate bars in her pockets. What was I supposed to do?”

“Tell David,” Aaron said with a shrug. “It’s his shop.”

“I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“And what would you know about that?” Aaron asked and then turned away, shaking his head as he walked back down the drive to the house. “Bye, Robert. Stay away from us, yeah?”

_“Because I love you.”_

The words echoed in Robert’s head, had been for the last two years, surprising him at the oddest moments. He could remember how cold the room was, the light framing Aaron’s back, the softness of his skin under his hands. He remembered the tears in Aaron’s eyes as vividly as he remembered the clutch of his heart, the fear that engulfed him. He held onto it like a lifeline. Not a happy memory maybe, but the best one he had. The last thing to happen before he became someone no one could ever love.

He let himself back into Keepers and locked the door, resting his head against it for a moment. The worst part was over. He could move on now. Do as Victoria said. Try to put it all behind him.

He slumped down onto the sofa, closing his eyes against the memories, hoping to find some comfort in sleep, but Aaron’s voice was still whispering in his ear the way it had every day and every night for the past two years.

_“I think you feel the same.”_

~

“Stay away from him,” Aaron said when he’d slammed the door closed behind him.

Liv was sitting on an upturned bucket, tapping furiously into her phone.

“Liv!”

 “I heard you,” she snapped at him. “I don’t see why it’s such a big deal. You said yourself…”

“It doesn’t matter what I said,” Aaron interrupted. “I’m telling you now to stay away.”

Liv shook her head and continued to type. “Gabby thinks you’re being unreasonable.”

“Well Gabby’s not my responsibility is she?”

“Bernice isn’t banning her from seeing him.”

Aaron snorted. “Well as soon as Bernice wins a mother of the year award, I’ll start listening to her advice. Until then you’ll do as I say.”

“Is he really that terrible?” Liv asked, slipping her phone into her pocket. “I mean, he can’t be that bad, can he? I thought it was an accident.”

“It was an accident,” Aaron said firmly. “But it’s complicated, you know it is. I don’t need things to be complicated with him again. So please, just stay out of his way for all our sakes.”

Liv shook her head slightly, her nose wrinkling in confusion. “Aaron…”

“You agreed to keep it a secret,” Aaron said. “I told you on the condition you wouldn’t tell anyone else.”

“And I haven’t,” Liv told him. “But the way you feel about him…”

“Felt,” Aaron said. “It’s in the past. He wasn’t interested back then and too much has happened since. Just let it go.”

Liv fell silent and Aaron took it as agreement, crossing the space between them to draw her into a hug.

“All I’m interested in right now is getting the house sorted out and moving us in as soon as possible, yeah?”

Liv nodded, offering him a shaky smile. “Yeah.”

“Good.” He kissed her head and pushed her gently towards the stairs. “Now, let’s see if we can get that wall knocked down before tea, eh?”

 

**Chapter 5**

Vic burst into Robert’s bedroom the following morning before the sun was up, startling him from a restless sleep.

“Come on, get up,” she said, far too loud and enthusiastic for such an early hour. “You’re not spending another day lying around the house. You’re going up to the scrapyard.”

Robert buried his face in the pillow and groaned.

“No,” Vic said, grabbing the duvet and pulling it off, shaking her head as Robert curled into a ball.

“What are you doing?” he whined.

“You’re getting up,” Vic told him, “if I have to drag you from this bed by your feet. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go and do some work.” She wrapped her hands around his ankle. “I won’t tell you again.”

Robert rolled out of bed, pulling the sheet around him like a toga. “What am I even going to do at the scrapyard?”

“I don’t know,” Vic said, glaring him down with her hands on her hips. “Whatever Adam tells you to do.”

“No way.”

“Robert,” Vic sighed, “I love you, but you can’t hide here forever. So you’re going up there, you’re going to do some work, you’re going to prove to my idiot husband that he’s an idiot and when you come home at five o’clock, I will cook you something nice for your tea. Now go and have a shower because you smell rank.”

Grumbling to himself, Robert shuffled past a beaming Victoria, heading for the shower.

An hour later he was standing outside the portacabin, wondering if he should knock or not.

“Stop being an idiot,” he muttered to himself and pushed open the door. “Morning.”

Adam’s head shot up in surprise, his expression quickly turning to anger upon seeing Robert. “Get out.”

“Vic told me to come and help you,” Robert said. “If you’ve got a problem with that, take it up with her.”

“I don’t want you here.”

“Too bad,” Robert said, shrugging off his coat and taking a seat at Aaron’s desk. “I’m not fighting her.”

“I won’t tell her.”

Robert laughed. “Do you really think she’s not going to pop-in at dinner time and check on us?”

Adam looked torn. “What can you even do to help?”

“I don’t know,” Robert said, looking around the room, eyes falling on an overflowing pile of papers perched on top of the filing cabinet. “What’s all that?”

“I dunno, mate,” Adam snorted, waving his hand towards it. “Knock yourself out. Just don’t talk to me.”

“Not a problem,” Robert muttered and got to work.

~

“Hello,” David said, holding out his arms to take Amba from Priya. “I wasn’t expecting to see you today.”

“Can you look after her for an hour?” Priya asked. “Only I said I’d…”

“Of course,” David said, grinning at Amba and bouncing her in his arms. “She can help daddy run the shop, can’t you, beautiful?”

Priya smiled and then ran the three steps over to the table where Tracy and Leyla were sitting.

“Uh, hang on,” David said, frowning over at them. “You said you had something to do.”

“Yeah, I do,” Priya said, pulling a book out of her handbag. The book. “Can I have a coffee, please?”

“Oh not you, an’ all,” David sighed. “Seriously. What is it about that book?”

“Read it and find out,” Tracy told him. “Three coffees please.”

Priya gripped the edges of the book and leant closer to Leyla and Tracy. “I want to write this woman a letter and tell her that she’s changed my life.”

Leyla gasped. “You’re leaving Rakesh.”

“What? No,” Priya said. “But I told him. I said this is real love. This is how it should be.” She closed her eyes. “Have you ever felt like this?”

“No,” Leyla said. “I didn’t think people could feel like that. But when you’re reading it, it’s so…”

“Real,” Tracy said. “It feels like she’s lived it.”

“I tried to Google her this morning. Couldn’t find anything. Just the publisher’s address.”

“Are you really sending a letter?” Leyla asked.

“Yes,” Priya said. “Why not? She needs to know how much this means to me.”

“And then she might write another one,” Tracy exclaimed. “Yes. I need more. I need to know what happens next.”

“But we do know what happens next,” Leyla said. “They live happily ever after.”

“Yes, but I need to read about that,” Tracy said. “I want to write a letter too.”

“Fine, fine,” Leyla said, opening the browser on her phone and searching for the publisher. She wrote down the address on a napkin and handed it to Tracy. “There you go. We’ll all do it.”

“Thank you,” Tracy said, smiling at the napkin and then at David when he set his coffee down in front of her. “And thank you.”

~

“He’s driving me mad.”

Victoria folded her arms and glared at her husband, unimpressed.

“He is!”

“He’s been here four hours,” Vic argued. “What’s he doing that’s so terrible?”

“Breathing.”

“Um,” Robert said, without looking up from the pile of paper he was sorting, “he can hear you.”

Adam made a noise of pure frustration and bundled Vic out of the portacabin and halfway across the scrapyard.

“Why did you send him here?”

“It’s his business,” Vic said, hitting Adam’s arm as soon as he let her go. “He’s allowed to be here.”

“He’s a silent partner,” Adam yelled. “He’s not supposed to interfere.”

“He needs a job, Adam,” Vic shouted back. “You know like you did when you got out of prison. This one in fact. The one he gave you.”

“I didn’t kill anyone!”

“You almost did!”

“Can you two keep it down?” Robert shouted through the window. “I can’t hear myself think.”

“Stop stirring,” Vic yelled at him, waving her hands. “Do some work.”

“I am doing!”

“And you,” she told Adam, jabbing a finger against his chest, “play nice. He’s done a lot for you. The least you can do for him is let him help you. At least while Aaron’s doing up the house. You can’t manage here on your own.”

“I’m fine, Vic.”

“You’re not fine though,” she said. “Adam, I know you. I know you think you can do everything, but sometimes you need help. Just let Robert help. You’re still the boss.”

Adam took a deep breath and sighed. “I still don’t like it.”

“Oh, I’d never have guessed,” Vic said with half a smile. “Please, Adam.”

“Fine,” Adam said. “Fine, he can stay. But this doesn’t change anything between us.”

“If that’s the way you want it,” she said and turned to walk back down toward the village. “I put your sandwiches in the bag with Robert’s. You can thank me next time.”

~

It was late enough that there shouldn't be too many people wandering around the village. It was dark and cold which gave the locals all the excuse they needed to bundle up inside, either cuddled up on their own sofas or warming themselves at the pub.

Aaron pulled on his coat and grabbed the keys deciding to take the long way back home. He pulled the front door of The Mill closed behind him and took a deep breath, inhaling the cold air, the smell of burning coal drifting from a couple of houses; grass and pigs and pub food mixing together to create that scent that was uniquely Emmerdale.

He set off down the path towards the river, wishing he’d thought to bring a beer with him like he had when he was a teenager, wasting his nights getting wasted in the cricket pavilion with Adam before life had interfered once again and forced him to grow up.

Now here he was, almost six years later, with a business of his own, raising his little sister, building them a new home. Life couldn’t be more different to the one he’d expected to have.

Lost in his own thoughts he was almost on the bridge before he noticed another person standing there.

"Oh."

Robert didn’t look at him, but Aaron noticed his fingers tighten on the railing.

“Hello.”

Aaron wasn’t sure whether he should stay or go. After the scene with Liv, it seemed sensible to leave. He’d asked

Robert to stay away from him after all. The least he could do was offer the same sort of distance.

“You alright?”

Robert looked tired. Aaron had noticed it earlier. He looked defeated in a way Aaron thought was unnerving. Robert should never look that low. Every memory of him burnt into Aaron’s mind was big and loud and glowing. That’s what Robert was supposed to be.

“What?”

He shouldn’t have asked. He shouldn’t be here. “Sorry.”

“Aaron, wait,” Robert said, stopping him in his tracks. “I’m sorry. You just said…”

“I know.”

“I didn’t want to…”

“Yeah.

“I really wasn’t trying anything, with Liv. I didn’t even know she was your sister.”

Aaron nodded. “Forget about it. I shouldn’t have gone off like that.”

They lapsed into silence again.

“I was just on my way home,” Aaron said. “Thought I’d go the long way.”

“Right, yeah.” Robert looked back at the river. “I just wanted some fresh air.”

“Bit cold,” Aaron said, stepping closer. “You’re not wearing any gloves.”

“No one about, though,” Robert said. “Harder for people to stare.” He smiled over at Aaron slightly. “You’re not wearing gloves either.”

“Pockets.”

“Are my pockets not good enough?”

Aaron shrugged. “Not for me to judge.”

Robert laughed.

Aaron smiled.

“Anyway, I should get back.”

“Yeah. Of course. See you around.”

Aaron turned away and hurried back the way he’d come, hands pushed into the pockets of his jacket as he shivered against the cold. There was no one around. He could see living rooms lit up by soft glowing lamps. Vanessa and Leyla were laughing together at something over the clink of wine glasses. He could hear the TV playing at Kerry and Dan's.

Everyone was just carrying on as normal. Nothing had changed in their lives. No monumental shifts in their worlds. Aaron wondered how it was possible to feel so different when everything else felt the same.

But wasn’t that always how Robert had made him feel?

Aaron let himself in through the back door of the pub and was greeted by a shriek of laughter from Liv and Gabby. Smiling to himself, he stuck his head into the living room to make sure she knew he was back before heading up for a well-earned soak in the bath, trying his best to put Robert out of his mind once and for all.

 

**Chapter 6**

Adam had gone to Kettering on a job, which meant Robert had the portacabin all to himself. The heater was blasting away, radio tuned to Magic in defiance of Adam’s dire warnings of what would happen if Robert changed the station. He was onto his second cup of tea of the morning, and still only halfway through sorting out the pile of crap that Adam and Aaron had somehow built up. Insurance. Tax information. Permits. How they managed to run a business was beyond him, but he was determined to put it all right.

The door opened and he glanced up from the paperwork, surprised to see Liv hurry inside.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” he asked.

“Boiler’s bust,” she said and perched on the edge of the desk. “What are you doing?”

“Working,” he said. “Shouldn’t you be at home if school’s cancelled?”

“Would you want to sit in the back of a pub with Chas for six hours?”

Robert would not. “What about the Mill then? You could help Aaron out.”

“There’s not much I can do right now,” Liv said with a shrug. “He needs someone to help though. I know he thinks he can do it all on his own but I’ll be ready to go to uni before it’s finished at this rate.”

“You won’t be going to uni if you keep skiving off school.”

“I told you…”

“Yeah, yeah,” Robert interrupted. “The boiler’s bust. So why are you here?”

“I thought you might like some company,” Liv said and hopped off the desk, settling herself at Adam’s desk and pulling some books out of her bag. “I have work to do. I won’t disturb you.”

Robert watched, bemused, as Liv proceeded to make a start on her schoolwork, unsure exactly what was going on. He thought he should maybe let Aaron know that Liv was there, but she wasn’t doing any harm and at least if she was there she was staying out of trouble.

“Do you want a cup of tea?” he asked and the smile that lit her face made him grin in reply.

It wasn’t a bad morning.

~

“You have to swap with me mate.”

Aaron stepped back and wiped the back of his hand across his forehead. Every part of him ached, but Liv’s bedroom was finally complete, save for the paint and furnishings she had yet to pick out.

One room down. Only eight more to go.

“What are you talking about?” he asked Adam, grabbing his water bottle from the windowsill and taking a long, much-needed drink.

“Robert,” Adam said, walking over to lean against the wall beside him. “You come up to the scrapyard and I’ll finish this for you.”

Aaron laughed. “You must be joking. You think I’d let you fix my house alone?”

“Are you saying you don’t trust me?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Aaron said, digging his fingers into Adam’s side and making him laugh. “You’re an idiot.”

“I don’t care, mate,” Adam laughed. “I can’t sit in that room with him anymore. He’s doing my head in.”

“It’s been two days, Adam. Chill out.”

“You don’t know what it’s like.”

Aaron considered the number of times he’d been alone in a room with Robert and thought that Adam was probably right.

“Well I’m not swapping with you,” Aaron said. “This is too important.”

“Then you need some help getting it done,” Adam said. “At this rate, it’ll be next Christmas before you move in.”

“So you’re just going to come down here and help me out are you?” Aaron asked. “Leave Robert to run the scrapyard.”

“No way,” Adam protested. “He’d probably sell it off and buy something else just to spite me.” He nudged Aaron’s arm and laughed. “He could come and help you out though. That would solve both our problems.”

Aaron’s face twisted into a grimace, making Adam laugh even harder.

Working with Robert was absolutely the last thing he needed.

~

Liv turned up at the yard the following day and the one after that, claiming each time that the boiler was still broken, which meant no school. That third morning he’d decided to ring Bernice to check that it was true, preferring to face Liv’s wrath at sending her away than Aaron’s if he found out Liv had been skiving.

“Yes,” Bernice told him, surprised. “Why? You don’t want to babysit do you? Just I have a client this afternoon and I’d feel better if someone was watching her. Who knows what she’ll get up to otherwise.”

Robert heard Gabby’s voice protesting in the background. He really didn’t want to babysit.

“Please, Robert.”

“Fine, I’m on my way.” He hung up the phone and picked up the laptop, grabbing the few files he knew he’d need. Liv still seemed to be engrossed in her homework. “Pack your stuff up. We’re going to Bernice’s.”

Liv didn’t need to be told twice and a minute later they were walking down towards the village in companionable silence.

Bernice met them at the door and gave Robert a kiss on the cheek, thanking him for helping her out.

“Jacob might come over,” she told him apologetically, pulling on her coat. “Don’t let them go upstairs if he does. Not that I don’t trust him, but you know how teenagers are.”

Robert nodded and assured her that everything would be fine. “What time will you be back?”

“Four,” she said. “If you have an emergency just ring and I’ll come back. Be good for Robert girls!”

Liv and Gabby were already halfway up the stairs when the door closed behind Bernice. Robert left them to it and set up the laptop at the kitchen table, immersing himself in work again.

~

Aaron locked up the Mill just as the sun was setting, determined to spend a nice quiet night with Liv like she’d been begging for. The first flakes of snow hitting his cheeks told him he’d made the right decision and he pulled up his hood, quickening his pace.

It didn’t take long for the snow to start falling in earnest, but Aaron could practically feel the warmth of the pub surrounding him when a bark of laughter, followed by a giggle drew his attention to the other side of the street, where Robert and Liv were walking towards him.

He stopped and waited for them to draw level with him, Liv looking unsure for a moment before tilting her chin defiantly.

“I was at Gabby’s,” she answered his unasked question. “Bernice asked Robert to babysit.”

“That’s true,” Robert added. “Mostly.”

“Robert,” Liv hissed and shrugged at her in response.

“Don’t keep secrets from your brother.”

Aaron blinked at them, taking in the way Liv was smiling, surprised that Robert was being even a little bit responsible.

“Inside,” he told Liv, nodding towards the pub. “It’s freezing.”

“You’re out here,” she argued, but she was already moving towards the door. “Bye, Robert. See you later.”

Aaron shook his head. “What did you mean that was mostly true?”

“Bernice did ask me to look after Gabby,” Robert said, “but Liv was already with me. She came to the scrapyard this morning.”

“Why?”

“You’ll have to ask her,” Robert said. “Sorry.”

The snow had started to build up on the ground and Aaron could feel himself shivering, yet he was reluctant to leave. Robert didn’t seem to be in any hurry to go home either. There were snowflakes sparkling in his hair. Aaron wondered if he looked half as good to Robert right now.

That thought was enough to bring him crashing back to reality. He stepped back, saw Robert’s face fall.

“I’ve just been at the Mill.”

Robert nodded and Aaron wanted to punch himself in the face. Of course, he’d been at the Mill. Where else would he have been?

“How’s it coming?”

“It’s not,” Aaron said, forcing a smile. “There’s so much to do. It’s not easy when it’s just me.”

“Isn’t Adam helping?”

“When he can,” Aaron said. “He’s got actual work to do though. So do I, actually, I’m just not.”

Robert chuckled and Aaron’s smile became a little more natural.

“Can’t you get some builders in?”

“Maybe,” Aaron said. “I kind of wanted to do it myself, you know? Make it mine. That’s probably really stupid, isn’t it?”

Robert shook his head, but he was smiling in a way Aaron had only seen on a few rare occasions. A real, happy smile. “I don’t think it’s stupid at all.”

Aaron nodded, shoving down the awful swell of happiness the words inspired. His heart wasn’t beating faster. He was just cold.

“Well,” he said, “I should get inside.”

“Yeah,” Robert said, backing slowly away towards home. “Goodnight then.”

“Night, Robert.”

 

_Chapter 7 - The Country Squire by Karen Gledin_

_Aidan stared up at the rafters, his body pleasantly loose and humming with bliss. Richard laughed softly beside him, drawing his attention once again. They smiled at one another, struggling to catch their breath._

_“So, was it worth waiting for?”_

_Aidan couldn’t stop his surprised bark of laughter._

_“Go on, admit it,” Richard urged, with a gleeful smirk. “You’re impressed.”_

_“Could be anyone, couldn’t I?”_

_Richard pushed himself up onto his elbow, frowning down at Aidan. “Why do you say that?”_

_“Bet you’ve done this a few times.”_

_Aidan turned his attention back to the roof of the barn, anything to stop himself getting lost in the depths of Richard’s eyes. Whatever this was between them, it wouldn’t do to let it become more in his head. Richard would be marrying Miss Christabel and raising a family. Aidan was just a diversion._

_“Not like this,” Richard said now, reaching out to trace his thumb across Aidan’s cheek and down to the edge of his mouth. Aidan let his eyes fall closed, parting his lips to taste Richard’s skin as his thumb dragged over them._

_“What happens now?” he whispered as Richard ducked down again to kiss him, moaning into his mouth as_

_Richard slid back between his thighs, urging them up around his waist._

_“We enjoy the here and now,” Richard told him, rocking slowly against him. “While we can.”_

_“Richard…”_

_“I want you,” Richard breathed into his ear as Aidan’s fingers dug into the flesh of Richard’s rear, urging him on. “I want you, Aidan.”_

_Their mouths crashed together again and Aidan moaned. “Don’t stop.”_

_“Never.”_

_*_  
_“Where have you been?” Ade asked when Aidan dropped onto the stool opposite him in The Shepherd. “I’ve been here for an hour.”_

_“I had work to do at Froemham,” Aidan said, grabbing Ade’s pint for a sip. “Mister Richard needed me.”_

_“Did he give you your Christmas box?”_

_Aidan felt his cheeks getting hot and hoped the tankard hid most of his face from view while he fought to compose himself._

_“Yes.”_

_“How much did he give you?”_

_Aidan couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped him. He threw his head back and roared with laughter, enjoying the look of confusion that passed over Ade’s face before he joined in._

_“I’m going to get a pint,” Aidan said when he was finally calm again. “Do you want another? On Mister_ Seddun _.”_

_“Aye, go on then,” Ade said. “I’m always happy to spend that man’s money.”_

 

**Chapter 7**

“So are you going to get Robert to help with the house?” Liv asked over breakfast, the innocent tone betrayed by the look in her eyes.

Chas spluttered into her tea and Aaron groaned, shaking his head at Liv.

“You’re a nightmare.”

“Thanks.”

“Uh, what’s this?” Chas demanded, setting her mug down on the table with a bang. “You are not asking Robert to help with the house.”

“I just mentioned to him that I needed some help,” Aaron said. “Which he already knew because Adam’s been moaning to him about it every day.”

“So it’s Adam I want to slap,” Chas said, shaking her head. “Aaron I know you said you needed help, but you don’t need his help.”

“He wants to help though,” Liv interrupted. “It’s got to be boring for him sitting in that portacabin with Adam every day.”

“How do you know he wants to help?” Aaron asked, ignoring the way Chas glared at Liv.

“He talks to me,” Liv said. “He’s nice.”

“No,” Chas snapped. “He’s not nice. You need to stay away from him.”

“Mum,” Aaron said, “this is between me and Liv okay? It’s not up to you who she talks to.”

“It’s not up to you either,” Liv added, rolling her eyes at the look he gave her. “Well, it’s not.”

“You’re really happy to let that man spend time with Liv?”

“What do you think he’s going to do?” Aaron asked. He knew he was raising his voice but he couldn’t let it go. “You really think Robert is a danger to Liv?”

“Yes,” Chas said. “End of discussion.”

“Oh great,” Aaron said. “Nice to know we can have a civilised conversation in this house.”

“Not about Robert Sugden we can’t.”

“You’re being unreasonable.”

“And you’re being naive.”

Aaron nodded slowly. “Maybe I am, yeah. But I don’t think it’s a bad thing to try and see the best in people. That’s what I want Liv to do too. Not judge people on their mistakes.”

“It was a hell of a mistake,” Chas hissed.

“I’ve done some pretty bad things in my time,” Aaron reminded her. “I hurt people.”

“You didn’t kill anyone,” Chas shouted.

Aaron froze.

“Oh love,” Chas said, instantly contrite. “You know I didn’t mean…”

“Forget it,” he said, unable to look at her as he stood and headed for the back door.

“Aaron…”

“You know, you’re right about it not being the same,” Aaron said, pausing with his hand on the door. “Maybe I did it out of love and he did it out of anger.” He turned to face her, shrugging helplessly. “But I knew Jackson was going to die when I did it. That’s the difference.”

~

The portacabin was locked when Robert got there, which was unsurprising considering that the sun wasn’t even up. Adam wouldn’t be around for at least another two hours, which gave Robert time to start his day without the constant stream of Adam’s moaning that he’d been subjected to for the last week.

He put the heater on, then the radio, filled the kettle and flicked it on, then started to sort through the day’s post. He hummed to himself as he made a cup of tea and settled down at his - Aaron’s - desk to get started.

The door opened just as the eight o’clock news was starting and Aaron appeared, surprising Robert with a nervous smile.

“Hiya.”

“Hi.”

“I thought you might be here.”

Robert nodded. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting…”

“Yeah, no, it’s fine, I’m not…”

“I can get out of your way…”

“No,” Aaron said. “Robert, really, just shut up a minute. I came to talk to you.”

Robert clenched his jaw, pressing his lips together, wondering exactly what Aaron had to say to him. Up until yesterday, they’d been successfully avoiding each other. Robert had assumed that was how Aaron wanted it.

“You really don’t make it easy do you?” Aaron muttered. “Look, Adam’s been talking my ear off about you and how you’re always here and I was thinking… Well, you can’t exactly be happy spending all your time here anyway. I mean I know you’re helping out but is there really that much to do?”

Robert raised his eyebrows at him but didn’t speak.

“You’re still a dick then,” Aaron sighed. “Anyway, I thought you might like to come and help out down at the Mill, if you wanted a change of scenery.”

“The Mill?”

“Liv said you might be interested,” Aaron said and then, catching sight of the look on Robert’s face, added, “It’s okay. You’re allowed to talk to her. I shouldn’t have overreacted.”

Robert mentally compared Aaron’s words with the way Charity had shooed Noah inside when Robert had walked passed the pub the other day and the way Leyla’s hand had tightened on Jacob’s shoulder in the shop. Aaron hadn’t really been overreacting.

“You want me to help out at the Mill?”

Aaron shrugged, found a nice spot in the corner of the room to direct his attention at. “I told you I need help. Vic wants you to do something useful. Adam wants you out of his hair.”

Robert snorted. Aaron looked back at him and smiled. “What do you say? Do you think you could swap the cushy desk job for some manual labour?”

It was the smile that did it. Robert really didn’t have anything to lose.

“Why not?”

~

Adam pushed open the kitchen door as quietly as he could and smiled when he saw Vic dancing as she flipped a couple of burgers on the grill. It had been four weeks since he’d moved out of the house and through all his anger, he’d never stopped missing her.

“In or out,” she shouted over the music, startling him into movement. He stepped fully into the kitchen and leant against one of the workstations.

“Hiya.”

“Hi?” she said, half turning to look at him while still keeping her attention focused on the burgers. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you, Vic,” he said. “I miss you.”

“Oh good,” she said, wryly. “It’s nice to be missed by your husband when he’s left you.”

Adam sighed. “Come on, Vic. You know it’s not like that.”

“Not like what?” she asked. “You did leave me. You moved back in with your mum.”

“We had a fight.”

“No, you flew off the handle because I wanted to support my brother,” she argued. “That’s not us fighting, that’s just you being an arse.”

“Can’t we just agree we were both at fault?”

Vic shook her head. “No, because we weren’t. Just you.”

“That’s not fair,” Adam argued. “I think I should be allowed to say that I don’t want to have anything to do with someone who’s killed someone.”

“It was an accident,” Vic said. “And I don’t know where you get off, not supporting me. I’m your wife. Katie was my sister in law. If I can forgive him then you should be able to as well.”

“It’s not just about Katie though is it?”

Vic frowned, but held up her hand, making him wait while she put the burgers into the buns, and plated them up with chips and salad. “Back in a sec.”

She swept out of the kitchen, plates in hand, and Adam rubbed his hands over his face, wishing he’d kept his mouth shut.

“What do you mean it’s not just Katie?” she asked as she glided back into the kitchen. She stood watching him, head tilted to the side, hands on her hips.

“Nothing,” he said. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Adam…”

“Can we just have a drink tonight?” he asked, getting back to the reason he’d come to see her in the first place. “Once you’ve finished your shift. We’ll have a drink and we’ll talk and we’ll try to fix things.”

She had that look on her face that meant she wasn’t done with the previous conversation, but for the moment she nodded and smiled and Adam breathed a sigh of relief, hoping that things would be back to normal soon.

~

Robert cleared some of the leaves away from his mother's grave, settling the bouquet of flowers he'd bought against the headstone. He laid his hand on the stone, closing his eyes.

“I'm sorry, mum.”

“It's not her you have to apologise to.”

Robert didn't want to turn around and face Chas but he knew there was no way he'd be able to avoid her forever. He pushed himself to his feet and turned to face her slowly.

“I'm sorry.”

She laughed bitterly, shaking her head. “It's not me either. Katie's buried over there if you're interested. It’s two years today exactly. Do you even care at all?”

“I care, Chas,” Robert took her. “Of course I care. It was an accident.”

“You can say that until you're blue in the face,” Chas said. “What were you even doing there with her? It was your wedding day. I don't understand.”

“I asked her to meet me,” Robert said, repeating what he'd said at his trial. “You know how obsessed she was. I didn't want her to ruin the wedding.”

“So you killed her.”

“No. I just wanted to talk to her. Try to sort things out.”

“It doesn't make any sense, Robert,” Chas argued. “And you may have convinced Vic and Aaron and Liv that you're innocent, but I know you're lying.”

“You can't hate me more than I hate myself,” Robert said.

Chas stepped closer, jabbing her finger against Robert's chest. “Stay away from my family,” she warned. “Or I'll make your life a living hell.”

She walked away quickly, leaving Robert alone in the graveyard. He felt a few drops of rain fall on his face but he knew Chas was right. He did have an apology to make.

Robert pulled a rose free of the bouquet and made his way down the hill towards Katie's grave. He sat down heavily in front of the headstone and traced Katie’s name with shaking fingers, then set the rose at the base.

“I’m sorry.”

He remembered her smile, the way her eyes used to light up when she looked at him. He remembered how it felt to wake up next to her in the morning, drawing her close to kiss behind her ear, making her laugh. He remembered thinking, once upon a time, that with her he’d be able to do anything.

“I’m so sorry.”

 

**Chapter 8**

“I got a letter!” Tracy sang, waving an envelope in Vanessa’s face when she joined her in the cafe.

“Good for you,” Vanessa said. “A letter from who?”

“Karen Gledin,” Tracy said, beaming from ear to ear as turned the letter over excitedly in her hands. “I wrote to her and told her how amazing her book was and how it honestly changed my life. It’s just my favourite thing I’ve ever read.”

Vanessa laughed softly. “So what does that say?”

“I haven’t opened it yet,” Tracy told her. “I’m nervous.”

“Nervous, why?”

“What if it’s just a form letter?” Tracy said. “What if it just says thanks?”

“Here you go girls,” Bob interrupted, setting two coffees down in front of them. “What’s that you’ve got?”

“It’s a letter from Karen Gledin,” Vanessa said. “Which Tracy won’t open.”

“The author?”

“Have you read The Country Squire, Bob?” Tracy asked eagerly. “What’s your favourite part? Who’s your favourite character?”

“Well I haven’t read it myself,” Bob admitted. “But Brenda did read most of it to me of a night, you know.”

Vanessa coughed loudly, replacing her coffee cup carefully on the saucer before she spilt it on herself.

“You must have a favourite character,” Tracy said. “I bet it’s Bob isn’t it?”

Bob laughed. “I’m always fond of a good innkeeper.”

Tracy grinned. “I knew it. Well, tell Brenda I want to talk to her about it when she’s got the time.”

Bob bustled away, assuring Tracy that he’d pass along the message. Vanessa waited patiently for Tracy’s attention to return to her.

“What?”

“Oh my God, will you just open it please?”

“I can’t,” Tracy said. “You don’t know how much this means to me.”

Vanessa looked around the cafe for some support, smiling when she saw Aaron hunched over his phone in the corner.

“Aaron, will you tell Tracy she’s being an idiot.”

“What about?” he asked, moving over to join them.

“Karen Gledin.”

Aaron blinked at her. “Who?”

“The author,” Tracy said. “She wrote The Country Squire.”

“Oh God,” he moaned. “Can everyone stop going on about that book?”

Tracy looked like she was gearing up for a row, so Vanessa patted her arm gently to calm her down, while squeezing Aaron’s forearm in subtle warning.

“Tracy has written to her to tell her how much she loves the book, and she’s got a reply, but she won’t open it in case it doesn’t live up to her expectations. Tell her that’s stupid.”

Aaron took a deep breath and sighed. “It won’t live up to your expectations.”

“Aaron!”

“Look,” he said, “this woman probably gets hundreds of letters every day. No matter how grateful she is for them, she probably doesn’t have time to answer them all personally. So just lower your expectations and you won’t be disappointed.”

He left them to it, Vanessa shaking her head at how thoroughly useless he’d been.

“He’s right,” Tracy said. “I just have to remember it’s not personal.”

She tore open the envelope and pulled out the letter, eyes skimming the text, trying to take it all in. Vanessa watched as her eyes filled with tears and she covered her mouth with her hand.

“Oh, Tracy…”

“Dear Tracy,” Tracy read aloud, waving her hand at Vanessa. “Thank you so much for your letter. It means so much to me to know that my story has touched you and that you found something so personal and affecting in it. You said that you wished for more excitement in your life, even though you know you’ve found your soulmate. Tracy, I promise that the excitement is there if you look for it, but the love you’ve found with your partner is worth more than any fleeting moments of passion you encounter along the way. All my love, Karen.”

Vanessa smiled as Tracy poured over the letter again, clutching it to her chest with care. Whoever this woman was, Vanessa suddenly liked her very much.

~

Robert knocked on the front door of the Mill and waited, bouncing on his heels with a strange feeling of nervous excitement.

Vic had given him a worried look when he’d explained that he was swapping days with Adam at the scrapyard for days with Aaron decorating his house, but he’d assured her that there was no reason to panic. She hadn’t looked very impressed.

But he had been telling the truth. There was no reason to get worked up about things. Yes, he and Aaron had had a relationship in the past. No, they would not be repeating it now, Aaron had made that very clear and Robert couldn’t even blame him.

What he was excited for was a friendly face and some decent conversation, something Aaron had always offered. Even the thought of manual labour wasn’t as depressing as it might have been once upon a time.

The door opened and Aaron beckoned him inside, an easy smile on his face that Robert had rarely seen, but always enjoyed. It reminded him of stolen hours in the barn or their one glorious night alone in a hotel.

“You came then.”

“You asked me to.”

“Yeah I know,” Aaron said. “I just thought you might not.”

“Have you changed your mind?”

“No.”

“Because I can go.”

“No, Robert. I’m glad you’re here.”

Aaron definitely didn’t mean that the way it sounded, so Robert simply nodded and shrugged off his coat, throwing it over the back of a fold-away chair.

“You going to give me the grand tour then?”

Aaron chuckled and threw his arms out to the sides. “Living room.”

“Nice.”

“Kitchen will be through there,” he said, pointing to the archway dividing the room in two. “Then there’s the utility room through there. Upstairs there are three bedrooms, one main bathroom and one en-suite.”

“Wow,” Robert said, impressed. “You have done well for yourself.”

Aaron shrugged. “Liv wanted a home. There was money.”

“Vic told me about your dad.”

“Yeah, let’s not talk about that,” Aaron said. “All in the past now, anyway.”

“Whatever you want, yeah,” Robert said. “What do you need me to do?”

*

Vic woke up surrounded by warmth in a way she hadn’t felt in months. The arm around her waist was strong and familiar and she pushed her face into the pillow and grinned.

“Morning, Mrs. Barton.”

“Morning, Mr. Barton,” she said, rolling over in Adam’s arms to kiss him.

“Urgh,” he said, wrinkling his nose, even though he couldn’t stop smiling. “I even missed your morning breath.”

“My morning breath?” she said, pinching his thigh as he hands wandered over him, reacquainting herself with every inch of him. “Yours is worse.”

“Not for me it’s not,” he laughed, slapping her arse gently and then giving it a playful squeeze. “I’m sorry I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry you’re an idiot too,” Vic said and kissed him again to take the sting out of her words.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Do you have to go to work today?”

“Not until tonight,” Vic told him and laughed when he proceeded to roll her onto her back, kissing her the whole time.

“Good,” he said. “Because we’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for.”

~

Five days in and Robert was feeling relaxed and happy for the first time in as long as he could remember. The physical work at the Mill ensured he slept deeply every night, wearing him out enough that nightmares of Katie falling through the floor couldn’t haunt him.

As he’d predicted, Aaron was excellent company and they fell back into the easy chatter and playful teasing that been one of Robert’s favourite things about their relationship. Robert had never had a lot of friends and in Aaron, he’d found someone that he was always happy to share his time with. Two years on he found nothing had changed.

Well, that wasn’t quite true. Things had definitely changed. They were older now. Aaron had a sister to raise and Robert… well.

There may not be a person keeping them apart any longer - though Robert had his doubts about Chas - but Robert knew that there was no way to go back. Aaron deserved better than him and if he was lucky enough to have Aaron’s friendship after everything that had happened between them then he wasn’t going to be the one to ruin it. Not this time.

“I have pizza!”

Robert stopped painting, looked over his shoulder and caught Aaron’s eye. They laughed together and followed the smell of pepperoni and garlic downstairs, to find Liv sitting on an old picnic blanket surrounded by pizza boxes.

“Come on then,” she said, “eat it before it gets cold.”

Aaron dropped down next to her and grabbed a slice, shoving half of it in his mouth before he’d even settled himself. Robert sat cautiously opposite them and took a slice for himself.

“Thanks.”

“I thought you wouldn’t have eaten all day again,” Liv said, still chewing. “And we should feed you, since we’re not paying you.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Aaron said, with his mouth full.

“You’re hilarious,” Liv said flatly. “How far have you got today then?”

“Master bedroom is done,” Robert said, feeling proud that things were going so well. “You’ll be able to start moving in soon.”

“And all it took was an extra pair of hands,” Liv said, giving Aaron a pointed look. “Almost like you were dragging your heels on purpose.”

“What was that?” Aaron asked. “You want to go and live with your mum?”

Liv whacked Aaron’s arm and he grabbed her in retaliation, tickling her until she was screaming with laughter.

Robert watched the whole thing with an ache in his heart, longing to be part of the family. He knew he could have had this, once upon a time, if he hadn’t been so afraid.

~

“Can I talk to you?” Victoria asked Robert, sitting down next to him on the sofa.

Robert picked up the remote and flicked off the TV. “What about?”

“Adam’s moving back in.”

Robert smiled and pulled her into a hug. “That’s great, isn’t it? For you, I mean. He still hates my guts.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Vic sighed. “He’s just very protective. God knows why.”

“Do you want me to move out?” Robert asked. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“No,” she said firmly. “You’re not moving out. Adam’s fine with things. I’m not saying it’ll be easy, all of us here together, but this is your home too, as long as you want to be here.”

“Thanks, Vic.”

She nodded and Robert knew there was more coming.

“Is this about Aaron?”

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with him,” she said. “I’m just worried about you.”

“You wanted me to get out and do something,” Robert reminded her. “I’m just helping him with his house.”

“Are you sure that’s all?” she asked. “I’m not having a go. If you say everything’s fine, I’ll believe you.”

“Everything’s fine.”

“It’s just…”

“Vic.”

“Do you still love him?” she asked. “Because if you do then you should tell him, Robert.”

“Vic, I’ve only been back six weeks. It’s not exactly time to rebuild a relationship.”

“It is if you want to,” she said. “I’m not pushing. But things are different now. For all of us. Don’t let him go again. Not after everything.”

~

“I think we deserve a beer,” Aaron said, holding out a can to Robert, who was sitting in the middle of the room, leaning back against one of the pillars. “We’ve earned it today.”

“Yeah, it’s looking good,” Robert said, taking in the almost finished living room. Everything was complete, bar the skirting boards and the new doors which were going to be fitted. It looked good. Simple and classic. Very Aaron. “You’ll be able to start moving your furniture in soon.”

Aaron laughed softly, sitting down on the ground next to him. “We’ll have to buy some first.”

“Don’t be so negative,” Robert said, nudging Aaron’s arm. “It won’t take long.”

“I know,” Aaron said. “I do. And thank you. For helping. You didn’t have to.”

“It’s not like I was doing anything else,” Robert said with a shrug. “At least this way I’m being useful.”

Aaron watched him curiously.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Aaron said, shaking his head. “It just isn’t like you to be so… helpful.”

“Thanks.”

“Oh come on,” Aaron laughed. “Even you have to admit you don’t usually go out of your way for people.”

“That’s not true,” Robert protested. “Not when I care about them.”

Aaron looked away. “Right.”

Robert cleared his throat but didn’t say any more. They drank their beers in silence for a few minutes.

“Thanks for giving me a chance,” he said at length. “You didn’t have to.”

“Well, it was that or have Adam and Vic talking my ear off.”

“Can’t have that,” Robert laughed. “I should probably go, though.”

“Finish your beer,” Aaron told him.

“No, really...” Robert said and started to push himself to his feet.

Aaron clasped his wrist, stopping him. “Robert.”

Their eyes caught and held and Robert couldn’t prevent himself from glancing down at Aaron’s lips. He swayed forward until their foreheads were resting together, noses brushing.

“Aaron.”

The years fell away as their lips met; months of prison, of loneliness, nothing but his own mixed up thoughts tormenting him, disappeared in a heartbeat and it was just the two of them again, as perfect as it had been the first time, on the side of the road.

His legs gave out beneath him and his knees hit the floor, pushing them both back. Robert’s hands cupped Aaron’s face and he moaned eagerly.

“No.”

Aaron’s hands hit Robert’s chest and pushed him back as Aaron scrambled to his feet.

“Aaron.”

“I think you should go,” Aaron said, running a shaking hand across his mouth. “Now.”

Robert stared up at him, but slowly rolled to his feet. “You said…”

“It was a mistake,” Aaron said, firmly. “That’s over. We’re just mates.”

“Mates?”

“If you can handle that. If not, you don’t have to come back.”

Robert held up his hands. “Mates. Fine. We’ll forget it ever happened.”

“Thank you.”

Robert nodded, grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair he’d thrown it over and left without another word.

 

**Chapter 9**

“Why are we here?” Liv asked, eyeing a pink and white bed with a princess canopy with trepidation.

“We need furniture for the house,” Aaron told her for what was at least the thirtieth time that day. “The living room and the bedrooms are done. We need stuff now.”

“It’s so boring,” Liv sighed. “You could have at least brought Robert.”

“What?” Aaron snapped. “Why would I bring Robert? What’s Robert got to do with anything?”

Liv went from frowning at the bed to frowning at Aaron. “Are you okay?”

“Robert’s waiting for the plumber,” Aaron said, in what he hoped passed for a casual tone. “Then the bathrooms are almost done and the kitchen…”

“Why are you being weird?”

Aaron walked away and pointed at a divan with a black leather headboard. “Do you like that one?”

“What did you do?”

“Maybe brown would go better?”

“Aaron,” LIv insisted. “What did you do?”

“Nothing,” Aaron hissed. “Nothing, okay? Just leave it alone.”

“Aaron!”

“I kissed him, alright? Or he kissed me. Now shut up.”

Liv’s face lit up and she grabbed his arm to stop him walking away. “That’s good isn’t it?”

“No,” Aaron said. “No, it’s not good. Why would it be good?”

“Are you kidding me?” Liv scoffed. “You wrote a hundred thousand words about your epic love for him. That’s more than The Hobbit. Everyone’s always banging on about how beautiful and romantic it is.”

“Keep your voice down,” Aaron begged. “That was therapy.”

“That’s a load of crap and you know it,” Liv said. “You’re still in love with him.”

“I don’t have to listen to this,” Aaron said, pulling free of Liv’s hold. “Pick a bed or you’ll be sleeping on the floor, and don’t mention Robert again. I told you, that’s over and done with.”

“But Aaron…”

“No, Liv. It’s over. Leave it alone.”

~

The plumbers were doing whatever it was plumbers did. Robert had shown them upstairs, pointed out the bathrooms, made them each a cup of tea and then left them to it.

He sat down in the empty master bedroom and pulled out his phone, wondering if he should text Aaron to tell him the plumbers had arrived.

It had been an awkward five minutes that morning when Robert had turned up to find Aaron loitering in the doorway, Liv already in the car.

“You off somewhere?”

“Furniture shopping,” Aaron had said shortly, avoiding Robert’s eyes. “Since we’re almost done.”

“Yeah.”

“You can wait in for the plumber, can’t you?” Aaron asked, tossing Robert the keys. “We won’t be late, but… And you know what needs doing.”

It had taken every bit of effort Robert had not to argue, not to ask what was going on, not to ask if they could talk about what had happened yesterday.

“Yeah, no worries.”

Aaron had nodded and then slipped past him, leaving Robert standing alone like an idiot, wondering what had happened.

He knew it was his own fault. He’d known for a year now that he’d ruined every chance he ever had with Aaron. He’d meant what he’d said to Vic when he told her the truth about them. He wanted Aaron to be happy. He just wished he could have realised that before it was too late.

Now, sitting in the bedroom that Aaron would someday share with someone else, Robert stared at Aaron’s name in his phone, much the same as he had the day of his wedding, wondering whether to call.

“Do you have any towels, mate?”

Robert looked up to find the plumber standing in the bedroom doorway, the legs of his trousers appeared to be soaking wet.

“We’ve had a bit of an accident.”

There were a few boxes in the corner that Aaron had moved in a couple of days previously and Robert scrambled to his feet, making a beeline for them, hoping that there would be something inside that might help.

The first box was clothes and Robert shook his head at the thought of Aaron throwing all of his possessions into boxes without a care. The second box was full of sheets and duvet covers. The wooden chest that the boxes were balanced on was their last hope.

“Here you go,” Robert said, smiling in relief as he pulled a few towels free and passed them over to the plumber, who disappeared with a thank you, to fix whatever disaster had befallen the bathroom.

Turning back, a flash of silver caught his eye and without thinking too much about it, Robert reached into the chest and pulled free a leather-bound notebook with a silver edge. It was in good condition but obviously used. Aaron’s diary maybe? Aaron had never seemed like the type of person who would keep a diary. Something work related? Maybe it wasn’t even Aaron’s. Maybe it was Liv’s.

Robert hesitated for a moment, an odd feeling of uneasiness sweeping over him, as though he sensed that opening the book would change things in some fundamental way.

He opened it anyway.

~

It was getting dark when Aaron dropped Liv at the pub and drove down to the Mill to relieve Robert. He felt the same nervous tension that had followed him all day when he let himself into the house, which only increased when he found no lights on downstairs and no sound coming from upstairs.

He jogged up the stairs, glancing into the bathroom as he passed it, relieved that the work seemed to be complete. Another thing to cross off his list.

There was a creak in the master bedroom and Aaron threw open the door to find Robert sitting on the floor beside his open storage chest, a book - the book - open in his hands.

Aaron froze.

“Aaron,” Robert breathed, fingers tightening on the leather. “I didn’t…”

“What are you doing?”

It took Aaron a second to realise he had spoken. That it was his voice, flat and distant, that had echoed in the room.

“I found it…”

“You went through my things,” Aaron said and this time he forced himself to move, stalking towards Robert to rip the book from his hands. “This is none of your business.”

“I know,” Robert said and he sounded so strange now, not like Robert at all. He sounded like someone who knew Aaron’s secret.

And pitied him.

“Get out.”

“Aaron, please.”

“Get out,” Aaron repeated, dangerously calm. “You had no right.”

“Aaron, we have to talk about this.”

“No,” Aaron said, grabbing Robert’s arm and shoving him towards the door. “No, we don’t.”

Robert dug his heels in and caught the doorframe with his hand. “Aaron, you said your dad...”

“I know what it says,” Aaron shouted, silencing Robert immediately. He wanted to hit something. He wanted to plunge his hand through the newly painted wall. He wanted to bleed. For a second he wanted to make Robert bleed.

“Get out of my house,” Aaron said, taking a deep breath and blowing it out slowly. “And don’t come back.”

~

Robert was still shaking when he reached Keeper’s and he dropped his keys twice trying to open the door, managing somehow to fumble his way inside before he collapsed. He ended up sitting on the stairs, head in his hands, unable to think about anything but the words he’d read in Aaron’s book.

At first, he’d thought it was fiction, but the more he’d read, the more obvious it had become that the book was actually an outpouring of grief. That only someone who had suffered through it would be able to write about it in such a way. How he’d felt. How Aaron had felt all those years when his monster of a father had abused him.

Robert’s heart broke all over again at the memory of Aaron’s face when he’d realised that Robert had read what had happened to him. The look of hurt and betrayal. He rubbed his hands over his face, wondering what he could possibly do to fix things, but came up short. He’d ruined things beyond repair.

~

Aaron paced around the bedroom, his mind going over and over the same things. Robert finding that book. Robert reading that book. He knew everything now. Everything that had happened to him. Everything he’d spent so long hiding from the world. He’d just been coming to terms with it. Finally thought he could move on.

He’d never shared the book with anyone, not even his counsellor. She’d asked him, the first week after she’d told him to try writing, whether or not it had helped, whether he wanted to share any of it.

And the truth was it had helped. He’d been able to get it all out, write down all the pain, every visceral memory, everything he’d ever felt and thought about what had happened to him. He’d made his confession to that notebook, a little bit at a time and every time he’d gone back to it it had helped him more. Rachel hadn’t pushed for him to share and that, somehow, had made it easier to talk about everything else. About Jackson. About his mum. About how angry he felt. What he wanted from life. What he liked and didn’t like about himself.

And then the next time he’d picked up a pen he’d started writing about Robert.

He’d written down everything, every touch, every kiss, every “I love you” he’d never said and when he was done he went back and wrote their story again, turning into something epic and uplifting, making it everything he’d ever wanted it to be.

He’d felt so close to that lately. It was like they’d been given a second chance. Robert had been there every day, slotting into life with him and Liv like he was part of the family. LIke they were a family. When they’d kissed yesterday - was it only yesterday? - it felt as though everything had shifted into sharp focus, like Aaron had been waiting for that moment for two years.

And now it was gone. Shattered into pieces again. Robert would never look at him the same way. He’d only ever see a victim, someone weak and pathetic.

Aaron grabbed the notebook from the top of the chest and stared at it.

He had no idea what to do.

 

**Chapter 10**

“Hiya babe,” Adam greeted Vic when she stepped into the portacabin, holding out his lunchbox with a grin. “Aww, you didn’t have to do that.”

“Well someone has to feed you,” she said, dropping a kiss on his forehead and running her hand over his hair. “Are you busy?”

“Nah, it’s pretty quiet today,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist.

She slid onto his lap with a smile and kissed him. “Did you see Robert this morning?”

Adam shook his head. “No, why?”

“No reason. I just didn’t see him at all yesterday.”

“Well he’s a big boy,” Adam said. “He can look after himself.”

“I know,” Vic said. She pulled at the edges of his fleece. “Adam?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know how he’s getting on with Aaron? I mean, has Aaron said anything?”

Adam caught her hands in his, stilling them. “Said what exactly?”

“Are they getting on?”

“I suppose,” Adam said. “They’re mates.”

“Yeah,” Vic sighed. “Mates.”

Adam pushed Vic back slightly on his knees so he could see her face. “Vic, do you know something?”

Vic stared back at him for a minute and he could see her working it out.

“I think you and I need to have a proper talk,” Vic said, “about my brother and your best friend.”

~

“What did you do?”

Robert stumbled back slightly as Liv pushed past him into the house, looking quietly furious. He closed the door and followed her into the living room where she was pacing, clearly upset.

“Liv…”

“I know you did something,” she said, “because Aaron’s upset and he told me to stay away from you again. I don’t understand. I thought it was going well.”

“I made a mistake,” Robert said quietly. “I didn’t mean to hurt him.”

“Is it because you kissed?” she asked, surprising him. “He told me about it. I thought… Well, I thought that was a good thing. I mean you love him, he loves you.”

“He doesn’t love me,” Robert said gently. “Liv, it’s not about that. That was a mistake but it wasn’t... It was just a lapse in judgement.”

“You love him, I know you do,” Liv said. “You have to.”

“It’s not as easy as that,” Robert said. “I betrayed his trust.”

“How?”

“I went through his things,” Robert told her. “I read something I wasn’t supposed to. Something personal.”

Liv’s eyes flicked away and then back to him. “Read what?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said, sure that Liv didn’t know what had happened to Aaron, even if she did seem to know what had happened between them. “I shouldn’t have done it. I don’t think there’s any coming back from it.”

“Don’t say that,” Liv said. “Don’t give up. You have to fight for him.”

“For what, Liv?” Robert asked. “What’s left to fight for? Whatever we had I ruined it a long time ago. Aaron needs to find someone who deserves him. That’s not me.”

“You’re both idiots,” Liv snapped. “It’s not about who deserves what. You love each other. That’s all that matters.”

“And it would be nice if the world worked like that, but it doesn’t,” Robert said. “I’m sorry, Liv.”

“You’re really just going to give up on him?”

“I don’t know what you expect me to do!”

With a growl of pure rage, Liv rounded the sofa and grabbed a book - the book - from the coffee table and threw it at him.

“Read that. You’re an idiot. Read that and then make up your mind. Because you’re right he does deserve to be happy and you need to decide what you’re going to do about it.”

She marched out of the room, slamming the front door behind her disappearing as quickly as she’d arrived.

Robert looked down at the book in his hands, at a loss as to how a Regency romance could possibly solve his problems, but if Liv thought it would help he was willing to give it a go.

 

_Chapter 12 - The Country Squire by Karen Gledin_

_Aidan had been awake since dawn, readying the coaches for the wedding. It was a matter of pride for him that everything should look its best for Miss Christabel, even if the day itself would break his battered heart._

_That was why he was here, standing with his shirtsleeves rolled up around his elbows, polishing the trim of the landau for the third time, intent on making it gleam in the winter sun._

_“I think it’s clean.”_

_Aidan ignored Richard and continued his work. He could sense him moving closer, boxing him in. Aidan’s heart started to race in his chest._

_“Aidan.”_

_“Shouldn’t you be getting ready, sir?” Aidan asked, struggling to remain calm. “The ceremony starts at eleven.”_

_“It’s only nine,” Richard argued, reaching out and covering Aidan’s hand with his own, forcing him to stop._

_“Please, give me five minutes. Come with me.”_

_Aidan could feel his resolve wavering. “Where?”_

_“To the barn,” Richard urged. “Our barn. It’s important.”_

_“You said it was over.”_

_“It doesn’t have to be. Please. Meet me there. Ten minutes.”_

_Aidan nodded, helpless to resist._

_*_

_Ten minutes later he found himself pulled through the door of the barn and pressed up against it, Richard’s body covering his completely._

_“We shouldn’t,” Aidan said. “Please Richard, if you ever cared about me, let me go.”_

_“I can’t,” Richard breathed against his lips. “I can’t let you go. Aidan, we can still be together like this.”_

_“I love you,” Aidan sighed. “I’ve tried not to. I don’t want to, but I can’t help myself. I love you. I can’t watch you marry someone else.”_

_Richard kissed him, hard and desperate. Aidan felt as though he was splitting apart at the seams._

_“Don’t marry her,” he begged. “Just don’t marry her. You won’t be happy.”_

_“I have to,” Richard said, voice hoarse and thick with emotion. “I don’t have a choice.”_

_“Yes you do,” Aidan told him. “I know you feel the same. I know you love me. Please, Richard. Choose me. Choose us.”_

 

The book had been sitting on Victoria’s coffee table since the day he’d moved in. Every once in awhile she had prodded him to read it and every time he had laughed at her.

It was all anyone seemed to talk about. Bernice had spent two whole hours one night despairing that she’d never find a love as pure and as perfect as Richard and Aidan’s. Tracy had refused to serve him once until he gave his opinion on who would play a better Richard - Sam Claflin or Jamie Bell - and when he’d admitted he hadn’t read the book, she’d kept him there another ten minutes explaining why that was a huge mistake.

He hadn’t been entirely sure why Liv had been so adamant that he read it until he reached chapter two and Aidan had pushed Richard up against the wall of the local pub and said that Richard couldn’t buy him. He’d read with disbelief his and Aaron’s first kiss, their fights, their make-ups, every stolen moment, romanticised and soft where they - where Robert - had often been hard and uncompromising, but unmistakably them.

Which meant that Aaron had written it. Aaron had taken everything between them, the good and the bad, and turned it into something beautiful, something unrecognisable to anyone but them.

And Vic.

And Liv.

Robert turned the page, his heart in his throat, eager to see how things turned out on Richard’s wedding day.

“Oh, finally!”

Robert jumped, drawing a laugh from Adam as he stepped into the living room and threw himself into the armchair.

“I thought you were never going to read it.”

“What?”

“Aaron’s book,” Adam said, pointing at it. “Took you long enough.”

“You know?” Robert asked, astonished.

“Yeah, I’m not just a pretty face,” Adam said, patting his chest. “I read it when I bought it for Vic.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Let’s just say Aaron’s not great at locking his laptop. I saw the book cover about two months before it came out.”

Robert frowned, drawing a sigh from Adam. He sat forward, leaning his arms on his knees.

“He doesn’t know I know. He obviously didn’t want to tell me about it. But when I saw the book cover in the shop I recognised it and thought I’d give it a read. You can imagine how surprised I was when I read all about coachman Aidan and his steamy affair with posh bastard of the manor Richard.”

“Thanks.”

“I wanted to keep you away from him,” Adam said seriously. “You hurt him. He’s just getting his life back together.”

“You’re the one who pushed us into working together,” Robert protested.

“Yeah,” Adam said. “Well, Vic’s been going on and on about how much you’ve changed, how different things are. I didn’t know she knew about the two of you.”

“I told her.”

“Which is why I’m not telling you to back off,” Adam said, shifting forward again, staring Robert down. “But if you hurt him again, Robert, if you put so much as a toe out of line, I will break every bone in your body, do you understand?”

Robert nodded. “I won’t.”

“Good,” Adam said, suddenly cheerful and he stood, slapping Robert on the back as he headed back out. “Go on and finish it. The ending is really good.”

Robert waited until he heard the front door close behind Adam, taking a minute to compose himself before he picked up the book again and threw himself back into the story, desperate now to see how it ended.

To see if there was any hope.

~

Aaron watched the paintbrush slide over the skirting board, concentrating on the movement, on keeping the strokes firm to cover the whole surface. The rhythm of it was easy to get lost in and it kept him from thinking too much about Robert.

He knew Liv and his mum were worried about him. He’d been agitated when he’d returned home the previous night, unable to settle. He’d snapped at both of them before locking himself in his room, ignoring Liv’s demand that he let her in.

He’d returned to the Mill before dawn and had spent all of the day trying to finish everything off, the manual work exactly what he needed to stop his mind going over what had happened the night before.

The sound of the door opening behind him made him jump and he scrambled to his feet.

“Sorry,” Robert said. “I used Adam’s key.”

“I told you to get out,” Aaron said flatly. “Leave the key this time.”

“We need to talk,” Robert said, closing the door behind him. “I’m not going until we have.”

“What exactly do we need to talk about?” Aaron asked. “You went through my things. You read something no one was ever supposed to read.”

“I’m sorry,” Robert told him. His eyes were lined with dark circles. He was still wearing the same clothes he’d been wearing the day before. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t even know what it was until I was half way through.”

“And then you just had to keep going?” Aaron said, shaking his head. “Poor pathetic Aaron. No wonder he’s so messed up.”

“What? No.” Robert sounded incredulous. “No, I’d never think that. Aaron, you’re the strongest person I know.”

Aaron turned away, set down the paintbrush and grabbed a cloth to wipe his hands, anything so he wouldn’t have to look at Robert.

“You’ve always been strong,” Robert continued. “And brave. Braver than me.”

“Well I didn’t have much choice,” Aaron muttered. “I’m not brave. I’m just trying to survive.”

“So am I.”

“What, by hiding who you are?” Aaron asked, spinning back to face him.

“Yes,” Robert said. “At least I used to. I know who I am now. I know what I am.”

“Oh really?” Aaron laughed. “What are you then, Robert?”

“I’m in love with you.”

Robert said it so simply, so easily that for a moment Aaron couldn’t comprehend it.

“What?”

“I’m in love with you,” Robert repeated. “I’ve been in love with you for the last two years.”

“I don’t understand,” Aaron said. “How can you say that? How can you just stand there and say that after everything.”

“There’s a lot of time to think in prison,” Robert said dryly. “It’s all I’ve done for two years. You’re all that’s been in my head since the day I met you.”

Aaron shook his head. “We made a mess of everything.”

“Yeah,” Robert agreed. “We did. I did. I did it. But we could try again. We could be better now.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yeah, I do,” Robert said, walking over to him. He cupped Aaron’s face in his hands, stroking his thumbs over Aaron’s cheeks. “I know.”

Robert moved slowly, giving Aaron time to pull away if he wanted. Instead, Aaron met him halfway, his hands gripping Robert’s arms, pressing his lips to Robert’s like it was the most natural thing in the world.

It had always been perfect, kissing Robert. It had always felt like coming home, as though there wasn’t anywhere else in the world he should be than right there with this man, this fucked up mess of a man, that Aaron knew inside out. He was a fucked up mess himself after all.

When they drew apart to catch their breath, still chasing each other’s lips for tiny, tender kisses, they stood holding each other, foreheads touching, eyes closed. Aaron never wanted to move.

“I read your book.”

Aaron stiffened and started to pull away but Robert held him fast. “Not that one. The other one.”

“What?”

Robert leant back enough to smile at Aaron who was still frozen in shock.

“The Country Squire. I read it today. I didn’t know you wrote romance novels.”

Aaron groaned and dropped his head against Robert’s shoulder to hide his face, even as he enjoyed the way Robert’s arms curled around him and the shake of laughter that went through him.

“You made me jilt Chrisse at the altar.”

Aaron snorted. “You did that yourself.”

“I’m sorry,” Robert said. “For everything. Reading that book - both of them - I mean…”

“The first one was therapy,” Aaron confessed. “I knew I had to get it out. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. And then he died and it didn’t seem that important anymore. I wanted to move on. I wanted to give Liv a better life.”

Robert dipped his head again and kissed him slowly. Aaron melted against him.

“I liked writing though. It’s fun. It was fun to write you. Us. To make it better than it was.”

“Can we do that now, do you think?” Robert asked. “Can you give me a chance to prove that I’ve changed? It’ll be different this time.”

“I can’t hide again, Robert,” Aaron whispered. “Whatever we do, it can’t be a secret.”

“I know,” Robert told him. “I know that. And all the important people know anyway, don’t they? Vic and Liv. And Adam.”

“How do Vic and Adam know?” Aaron asked. “You told them?”

“I told Vic last year,” Robert admitted, drawing a surprised laugh from Aaron. “Adam snoops around your computer.”

“Fantastic,” Aaron muttered. “So they know about the book too?”

“I’m afraid so.”

Aaron nodded and then laughed. “Are you sure about this?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” Robert said. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

 

**Epilogue**

_Chapter 20 - The Country Squire by Karen Gledin_

_The sun was streaming through the curtains when Aidan woke up. He could feel the warmth of the rays on his face, almost matching that of the body pressed along his back, the arm tucked snugly around his waist._

_“Don’t move,” Richard begged, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “It’s too early.”_

_“The sun is up,” Aidan murmured. “I have work to do.”_

_“You work for me,” Richard said, pressing closer. “I say you have to stay here.”_

_“Flynn will be here soon to wake you,” Aidan reminded him. “He can’t find me here.”_

_“That’s where you’re wrong,” Robert told him, sounding extremely pleased with himself. “Why do you think I hired him as my valet.”_

_Aidan rolled over, sliding his leg up over Richard’s hips, rubbing against him indulgently. “So he knows_ _everything?”_

_“He won’t tell a soul,” Richard promised, smiling invitingly. “Kiss me.”_

_Aidan was happy to oblige, rolling on top of Richard, threading their fingers together and pushing his hands up over his head._

_“I’m in charge.”_

_Richard laughed up at Aidan, his face bright with love and happiness._

_“Anything you say, my darling.”_

_Aidan kissed his way down Richard’s chest, then slid back up to peck Richard’s lips._

_“What?”_

_“Nothing,” Aidan said. “I’m still enjoying the novelty of being in a bed and not in a barn.”_

_“There’s nothing wrong with our barn,” Richard said, running his hands up and down Aidan’s back. “I have a lot of happy memories in that barn.”_

_“I’m not complaining about the barn,” Aidan assured him. “I’m just glad to have a mattress. I’d have thought you would be too considering your advancing years.”_

_Richard flipped Aidan onto his back and proceeded to tickle him breathless. “Advancing years, indeed. I’m not yet thirty.”_

_“That’s still six years older than me,” Aidan wheezed. “I’m just glad you can keep up with me.”_

_“I’ll show you just how well I can keep up with you,” Richard promised, capturing Aidan’s mouth again._

_“I can’t wait,” Aidan laughed, pushing Richard back until he was sitting in the middle of the bed. Aidan climbed onto his lap and curled around him. “Next time though. I told you. Now, you’re mine.”_

_“I am yours,” Richard said seriously. “I’ll always be yours if you’ll always be mine.”_

_“Those sound_ suspiciously _like wedding vows,” Aidan said, rubbing their noses together._

_“Yes.”_

_Aidan met Richard’s eyes and saw the truth there. Once upon a time it would have scared him but now he just felt safe. Richard was the one person in the world he was meant to be with and he’d known that from the first day they’d met. Maybe it had taken Richard longer to accept it, but he knew the truth of it now._

_“We can’t get married.”_

_“Not in a church,” Richard agreed. “But here and now, just between the two of us. I am yours. Forever.”_

_Aidan rested his forehead against Richard’s. “I am yours,” he repeated. “Forever. Husband.”_

_“Husband.”_

~

Tracy pulled on her bonnet and looked at herself in the mirror, checking her dress and makeup. It was a perfect replica of Christabel’s wedding gown, made from delicate white lace over ivory silk. She saw David appear in the doorway behind her and grinned. He was wearing Richard’s wedding clothes, the tight breeches hugging his thighs in a way that made her weak in the knees.

“You look beautiful,” he told her as she turned to face him. “Even if I look like a mug.”

“You look gorgeous,” she said, taking his hand as she skipped past him, pulling him behind her down the stairs. “And everyone’s going to be dressed up so you don’t have to worry about it.”

The summer fete had been her idea, a way to raise money for charity and bring the community together for something fun. The Country Squire theme had been met with universal approval from the women of the village and most of the men. Tracy had been very clear though. If you wanted to attend you had to dress up.

The day was bright and hot, the perfect weather for the stalls and rides which had been set up on the field next to the cricket pavilion which would serve refreshments. Bob was taking his role as Bob the innkeeper very seriously.

Jacob ran off to find Gabby as soon as they arrived and David went to get them some lemonade, leaving Tracy alone to survey the excited locals, all dressed up and smiling as they wandered through the rows of pretty tents and amusements.

“You alright?”

Tracy glanced over her shoulder to see Aaron and Robert walking towards her, dressed in the most perfect replicas of Aidan and Richard’s clothes from the day of their first kiss.

“Oh my God, you two look amazing!”

“So do you,” Robert laughed. “This is good, isn’t it? You’ve done really well, Tracy.”

“Thank you,” she said, beaming at them. “And thanks for getting into the spirit of it.”

“Well Liv wanted to come,” Aaron grumbled, shrugging when Robert nudged his arm. “It is good though, Tracy. Well done.”

She laughed and waved them off, heading in the opposite direction to find David.

~

“So what do you want to do first?” Robert asked. “Carousel? Coconut shy?”

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” Aaron muttered, pulling at the collar of his shirt. “This is so uncomfortable.”

Robert remained unsympathetic. “Next time write a story where you wear jeans and a hoodie every day.”

“Someone wants to sleep on the sofa tonight.”

“Oh, like you’ll be able to resist me in these,” Robert laughed, gesturing down the length of his body. “Go on, admit it. You’ve been dying to see me in this.”

“Remind me why I’m dating you again?”

“What? Right here? In front of all these people?”

Aaron laughed and pushed Robert, forcing him into the path of Chas who was just rounding the corner next to a sunshine yellow stall selling local artisan bread.

“Sorry mum,” Aaron said quickly. “That was my fault.”

“Boys,” she said, forcing a smile for Aaron. “Are you having fun?”

“We just got here.”

“You look nice,” Robert told her. It had been hard work convincing Chas that he’d changed. He knew he still hadn’t managed it. It might take years yet for things to be any more than civil between them, but it was worth all the effort to see Aaron’s face light up every time he tried and he knew Chas must feel the same way because she kept trying too. “You’re Prudence.”

“Yes,” Chas said, striking a pose that made Aaron laugh. “I am Prudence. I suppose that makes me your mother twice over, doesn’t it.”

Aaron grinned. “I suppose it does, yeah.”

“Well have fun. I’ll see you later?”

“We’ll get come and have tea and cake, yeah,” Aaron told her, glancing at Robert who nodded his agreement. “Four o’clock?”

They parted ways, with Robert and Aaron heading towards the carousel where they could see Adam and Vic talking to Laurel and Lydia.

“You’re enjoying this,” Robert said, pulling Aaron up short and turning him round. “All of these people dressing up as themselves.”

“It’s like they know,” Aaron said, “but they don’t know. I am enjoying it, yeah. I can’t believe they all care so much about something I made.”

“Well I can,” Robert said, sliding his arms around Aaron’s waist and kissing him. “Tracy’s going to faint when she finds out about the sequel.”

 


End file.
